Waving goodbye to the shadows behind.
& Perpetual Pain.
They say grow up.
& now I’m old.
Things don’t change too quickly.
I feel the time
Which echoes around.
The walls remain my silent friends.
Doors are shut & the curtains drawn.
I cannot go out.
My mind drags me back.
Mental frustration explodes as the world laughs out
& I sit & hide. In here.
Once I was god. But now a broken wreck.
I see your face. & friends persist.
But the long hours of solitude emphasise
The defeat I hold as mine.
Sure, crowd me in a room & watch me fall.
Watch me run or see me crack.
& you will know that I am still, a broken man.
The world still hates me & I regret
The illusions that I once believed in.
I spend my time just waiting. Dying. Thinking.
I cannot achieve, I cannot work.
I cannot accomplish nor concentrate.
Perhaps you only see me as a lazy son of bitch.
But I have a job & I know some folk quite well.
But no-one knows the secret darkness into which I crash & burn.
My mind is heavy & I’m tired now.
The smiles you see are aggrandised self delusions.
Dreams into which I sink my mind. Focus some say.
& I am better when I do not think.
But then I awake. & breathe.
& the pain comes back.
& the cycle repeats.
Yes, I wish I could be.
An island of tranquility.
~ An Honest Letter & enough said.
© Ed Simkins