Without Focus

a secret told in hidden depths of blackened skies.
Rains fall. Dreams end. subjected issues plague the mind.
Stillness reigns. Inertia, fear & regret.
The explosion of the chase that was racing over yonder hill was but a day away before. & gone.
Now past.

I find myself in solitude. Pages of dread stare at me from the silence of the leather bound case.
Pens stare. Keyboard distracts. & waits.
Intelligence still.
I cannot work.

& reasons forth are many & in multitude.
Rush forward to speak & understand the problems that are or which delay.
– Dreams sir!
Dreams!

Of a child known which smiles & laughs & in her wisdom avenges with such cheek & wit.
Her probing retaliations & curious ways fend me off in such pleasant ways.
She brings me in. entraps & snares.
A witch of youth who torments my heart & mind with thoughts of her alone.
& still no single kiss from lips unknown.
I beg.

Hand which types & struggles forth in unfocussed mind seeks to touch
To gentle caress her blushing cheek.
I smile.
& die.
& stare at words which flow upon the screen & not through work.
For I think of her.
Of her.

& perhaps she knows my secret now.
– She teases so!
That love & lust & wanton desire & soft & luscious warm affection awaits.
Seeks her.
Wants her.
But I must focus.
On tedium that must daily transpire & urge my mind to focus thus.
Away from her. Away from dreams. Away from yearning that consumes me so.
& as I type & struggle to conquer days ahead, I will think of her.
Of impish delight. Of conversations held in jest.
& best…
Her beauty thrown in perfect form which leads me into thinking things that many say I should not.
But do.

For love, or delusion, or boyish want
Will keep her in my mind this quiet night.
I love her!
With all my heart I think of her.
But torn heart which cannot touch her precious soul, must now instead win over mind
& focus on the struggles of thought & work
Such is the fight within my head that now exists.

~ Procrastination & thoughts of her. I cannot concentrate. Nor focus on my work.

© ed simkins

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