i wonder what it’s like to love.
That strange affliction which hides its scars.
I pause for thought as no memory returns. No photos emerge of former times.
Join me. Sit beside me. For tonight I rest upon the bench which bears her name.
Blossoms grow & burst & fall within the gentle breeze. She liked it here.
The gentle walks. The holding hands.
She’d smile as the spring birds whistled & sang their orchestrated tunes.
She kissed me here.
I look around. & I see a pretty girl with auburn hair.
A gentle face which smiles through her own regretting tears. Another loss?
& I build up dreams of her & wish we’d speak. But fear of pain holds me back. Enforced retreat. I’m scared to try. To even venture from this bench.
We argued once. Surrounded by the silent snow which fell.
& by the end, her tears had soaked the coat I wore more than any flakes which danced & trod upon the shores of my shoulders still.
I held her there. Held her close & tight & made her know I dreamt of her.
She smiled & kissed me softly through her passioned lips so wet.
I couldn’t say if my heart was full that day or I was already bleeding through my longing for her.
Even when she sat beside me.
Upon this bench which now bears her name – Her sacred name.
& I gaze from stranger dreams & focus back upon this stone.
Black enamel gloss; stone of heaven.
She lies there sweetly.
The girl i thought I loved.
& the cherry trees sway their silent praise in pearls of pink & pristine white.
Cemeteries made for thought.
A single tear bows & falls.
I miss her.
& the stranger walks away the same.
& I wonder what it’s like to be in love.
The summer sun wanes & fades.
& I wish she’d return tomorrow.
To that girl within the sleeping field.
I miss you.
With all my heart & aching soul.
I miss you.
~ beauty & pain combine so often. I can only sigh in wonder.
© ed simkins