So a dream disappears,
sunk beneath the waves of hope & want.
I cannot say I didn’t expect
But the tide of pain has squashed my nights with pain & tears.
Frustration builds and volcanic flows of untempered rage erupts
I stare in mid-distance loss
I can’t distinguish the thoughts that flit between my moments here.
Confused and dazed and regret & miffed.
I know not what happened, but that the girl of paradise flew from my life has broken heart.
& I’m with that I’m tired.
I’m looking out upon the fields of the future
A nervous stare which shows no signs of ceasing.
I don’t know where to go or in which direction should I turn.
Stuck as ever and trapped by hands of fate
& of course the broken mind.
The faulty fool which resides within this massacred mind of mine.
I wish I could enter the minds of others.
Share their stories & empathise.
But I am locked away in my own pathetic little prison
& set for life.
My garden my only escape.
Minutes of sensation from another world
One in which no hands are kept, no lips are kissed & love is but a passion for life itself.
& then I return.
A darkened home.
Exams & veins about to burst
Plans & work which overwhelm.
To simply or multiply?
I have no answers left or dreams to chase.
The world is barren but for the sarcasm of the hate which spreads.
If I could die I would have shown my tomb the winning hand by now
But I am not to fade like that.
A have but yet a million more years in which to pain.
What is happiness I ask?
& how can anyone claim it as their friend?
A night of thought ensues & nothing more can be done.
21:52 & time to surrender to the collapse of the star outside.
~ a heavy day of thought after the collapse of friendship & yet another paineful crossroads of life.
© ed simkins