The Fight

Blood stains your angry face
A sensual kiss which rips your lips.
Frustrated hair evokes such rage
Terror fills your eyes and cries.

Soft pause in a heated room.

Breathe
& then attack once more.

Your vicious words cuts my heart with shards of angst
What makes you hate with such aplomb?
What causes these deeds of evil?
& how can I respond in kind reply?

We wait upon the floor in weariness
But then you speak again

& the hate & anger comes pouring forth
Blood red spit comes shooting out
& your teeth snarl in rage
Grinding stones of torture tear the world apart

A final show down, an illusion played out
& all the mirrors shatter in crying shame
We hear the drums of lust but you fear the name
& slash my throat with fingers once loved in night.

Cold sweat bends & falls
No way to escape the room alive but think

Love erupts in cutting ways
Torn clothes & battered faces
Destruction known to man & girl
& so Love it stabs at hopeful heart

Exhausted faces weep in shame
Bedraggled whimpers sigh slowly across the field of doom.
House & home, so still & worn
Lovers sleep in closing arms.

~ when she drives you mad! 😛
(c) ed simkins 2015

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Her Picture Equals

Poison taken
Heart forsaken
Dreams alight
In a Night of fright
Hate enlivened
Dreams surviving
Body dying
My Eyes are crying
Beauty stolen
Days just roll on
Purpose far gone
Trapped by fusion
Mess of hoping
Drunk or doping
Bed in darkness
Brain a right mess
Taste of kissing
Love still missing
Anger, hatred
Life once sacred
Passion broken
Angel long gone
Stupid bum note
Romance; bad joke
Dead wife bleeding
No way healing
Grievance hostile
Pain not docile
Pointless sleeping
Empty weeping
Slow down breathing
Wrist is weeping
Blood is leaving
Tears are streaming
Eyes a-staring
Mind past caring.

~ up. Down. Up. Down. Life remains. As others laugh.
© ed simkins

Retreat

Time
Eroding life
With pulsing beats of death.
Brain rotting
Failing
Dying.

A whole day of wonder
Distinguished by emptiness.
& I sleep by the graves alone.

Tonight will be painful.
I must gallop to the junction of the past & my dreams.
& I know I will I fail
I’m struggling now.

Hero of want
With the darkest of minds.
A mind which sinks from a single sharp thought.
A balloon deflated, pricked by reality.

A man who has everything
Gathers & sits.
Worn out by thinking.
Drugged by illusion.
Bled dry by fate.

But soon I will venture
For another mad escape.
I will run to the shops & buy thoughts for the dead.
Fool by a grave stone
Honestly tortured
Feeling sick with the worry
That one day I’ll wake up
& notice life passed.

Herein an example;
A day of no purpose
Lost deep within here
Mind stuck, no solution.
Mid afternoon & time to relapse
Bed calling for sorrow, a book & collapse.

Escape from the pain
The anger, frustration.
In bed I will dream
A hero untamed.
But there I am conquered
Withdrawn from the light.
& shallow thoughts burden.
I’m tired of the fight.

~ a single moment & the lights are switched off inside & the eagerness is gone.
© ed simkins

Pictures of a war wound.

A liar
A thief
A bitch who destroyed
The world was your oyster now you’re wrapped up with boys
Hard to believe the fall from your grace
And how many details fell from your face?
The smiles & the winks
The honesty you brought
Love was a dispute, one that I fought.
I couldn’t pretend; ‘not an actor like you
Someone who could deceive the world like you do
Now see how the baby’s crying in its lair
Picture to the world – that’s the one you will share.
But what of the others?
What of your life?
I loath you bitch, you cancerous wife!

So I’m angry, you accuse
You’ll spin out your lies
& tell the whole world it was me who had died.
You’ll point to the direction of my tears that you caused
And laugh at the pictures of my heart on the floor.
Well maybe it was good that you died in the night
For I can’t honestly say I miss all those fights
But you should have done better, you should have done good
and known and respected the king from the hood
but you killed him, deceived him & let him fall down
then broke me and hurt me and threw out my crown
so what now my lover, my fatal femme noir
a whole life of worship for the girl you now are?
Or will we once more, meet in the night
& see how things are, try as we might
For illusions are many and there’s much to debate
Or a least a good beating for the woman of hate
Good night I say now & I’ll bid my farewell
Thanks for the poison & the visions of hell
Silence is golden & my world is death’s door
Hope is my friend & I give you no more.

~ on seeing old lies & illusions.
© ed simkins

DIATRIBE TO DEMOCRACY

i’m screaming and I’m angry & I got rage in my eyes
& I’m fed up with bullshit & their fucked up lies
They tell me to vote, yeah they tell me to cast
They tell me to ignore their mistakes in the past
“Yeah, come on vote, c’mon, give it a try!
Then see if I care cause I just waved you goodbye
Or was that a finger I flipped as I opened the door
& took back this country like money & a whore
I’m screwing you up and there’s nothing you can do
Oh what’s that saddo, you’re going to complain to who?
Well, big deal you idiot, I’m in power don’t you see
& Like all politicians, I lie intentionally!”
& with that in he entered the door of number ten
Not caring with his riches if he saw me again.
Cause he’s smug in his world & he’s now got control
& he knows that we’re fucked, he don’t care for our soul
The system is fixed and they don’t care about that
The bankers, the illegals, the laywers, all twats
But scary in their power and their safe with their king
Sneering at the honest, hard working weaklings
& look at the ratings, look how it’s screwed
What chance did we have when you see how it’s viewed?
The Scottish minority who outnumber the rest
& the fed up true English, who the rest like to jest
& even in England, where the red came so close
The patriots stood up, but died with a dose
Of lies & deception, where the system cares not
For the numbers who scream & give a fucking jot
No need for heroes, intellects or brains
Let the stupid give out handouts to the mentally insane
Just let us suffer, its not like we care
We’re just fucking idiots, no you don’t need to share
So, here take my hard earnings, yeah give them away
Rip me off & fuck me, give to the weak who know how to play
give me nothing in return, I DO mean literally
cause I do ‘love’ the system & the rich men who hate me
but here in my cave, my hole in the ground
here I surrender to the stupid who have found
A way of holding me down, cause I’m no freeman you see
I’m just chained in my country, a slave of ‘democracy.’

~ 2015 – & democracy is alive & well. BULLSHIT. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election/2015/results

Rejected

failure. defeat. ridicule & anger.
loathing. hatred. Misery & anger.
death. destruction. denied & rage.
vilified. Ostracized. Putrefied page

Wounded. sore. Broken. Dead.
Solemn. Dejected. Rejected. Unwed.
Overwhelmed. Tired. Shattered & glum.
hurting. furious. stupid & dumb.

risking my neck, broken became
intellectual virgin, hiding in shame,
a puppy with sad eyes, butt of a joke.
on opening, a dream, stuttering i spoke.

in darkness, in public, i fell in her flames
escaping in carriage, i sit here ashamed
i tried to communicate, i tried to make bonds
instead i’m a criminal, an evil old con.

failure i said, failure i declare
where is the someone who says they will care.
her pleasantries & nature disfigured her pain
as she ran from the attentions of the mentally insane.

for me there’s no hope, a failure complete
born always, you’ll see, to beat a retreat.
i will die here alone, & in my dreams i will see
nothing but illusions of sad reality.

in which God’s hate is true & my pain is prolonged
& where each day i love, fate does me wrong.
So I sit in the darkness & write out my thoughts
Illustrate the effects of the love I have sought.

~  Above the parapet of life i stretched my head….Result? – a nasty wound to the heart!

(c) Ed Simkins

Missing You.

How do I get you?

How do I reach you?

How do I stop this bullshit and find you once more in my arms?

– How?!?

The walls still echo with the laughter you produced,

The beauty of your smile radiates in spaces known to us.

And the empty garden still cries in silence without your voice.

So where are you my love?

Where have you gone?

Why have you ridden so very far away?

I dream of you.

I see your face.

A distant memory that takes me back.

But the coldness of this winter past I know will last the year

& I miss you like the leaves without the trees

& I care nothing for the sun without you.

In my mind I cup your smiling cheeks. I hold you in my nervous dreams.

I prostrate myself and cry for you.

– For you.

& Each night a life of torture passes.

The blood that’s spilt, my offering for you.

My dreams for you.

So tell me how. Just tell me how!

How do I win you back?

How do I fix this world?

How do I make you smile again.

For me.

How?

& How do I let these tears stop rolling?

For the days they care no more,

Nor the nights which see these droplets fall.

I miss you.

I love you.

I love you.

~ A poem about Ghosts & Songs & Broken Justice & how I find it hard to escape.

© Ed Simkins

The three daughters of God

Number one was the girl in the pink bikini. a delicious little swimmer in her first flush of love.

she smiled and cried as i kissed her lips. i couldn’t help but hold her down.

she teased me with her wriggling hair. wet & long & her legs so slim.

the thinnest bands of marshmallow pink. a tiny ribbon that fluttered by her side.

& her eyes and smiles – such sweet perfection! she swam to me and her arms flowed round.

such were nimble dreams and sweet innocence.

Number two was god; she knew my name. i kissed her skin and i wished she knew how much i loved her.

she told me of her news & my tears fell. she’s leaving soon for my fate is ill.

her tender breasts and perfect hair, her painted feet and ad hoc nails; she makes me laugh.

she turns me over and breaks my heart. a rolling mess of desire. i long for her.

i wish to taste a strong embrace, i’d keep her happy if she only knew.

but lines are drawn and the words are wrong. one minute i’m king, the next i’m not.

& Number 3 is the girl who killed. the girl who fled. the one who banished life and slit her wrists.

whether the darkness takes over, i cannot tell, but the car is packed and these streets may pass.

i will stand at her door and worship god. the way he hates, the way he tears this man apart.

i will kiss her as she sleeps, as i always do. & wish that she were mine this night.

such are the dreams i hold on this Valentines day.

.

~ the three most important girls in my life

(c) Ed Simkins

anger with a whore

a red lipped whore with frozen fingers,

telling me not to ask my fucking questions,

you make me sick, you foul my street

you look at me and ya get your kick.

your filthy habits screw my mind

a destitution for those unkind

you lie, you cheat, you leave me weak

you think your magic, you’re only cheap.

you bite the takers, you screw their cash,

you inject your poison & build your stash

i hate you with a venom born

of all the hate that i have learnt.

you sit in filth and break my dreams

understanding nothing of what i mean.

you look in hate with broken eyes

and blame me now for stolen skies

your life, your past, your wearied skin

you think i care for what you did?

you can blame the state, or blame your birth

i dont care what you think you’re worth

i dont care, i live my life

i love my children i kiss my wife.

for you to tell me that i’m wrong

to lead me on for just so long

to get you cash, to get your fix

i hate you woman, & all your sick.

a mistake was made, a bad day had

a bored husband with a weekend fad

you chase me down & i’ll slit your throat

let love and blood together soak.

so i’m off and out, i’ll fix my world

leave you behind my broken girl.

~ staring at candles too long makes you wonder about things

(c) Ed Simkins

Tears into the Blood

Frightened sweat drips down. Her beautiful face smiles. Our Blood surrounds.

It’s a simple late night story. One of hate, of love, of you.

we sit in pools of red. our love spent. the fury gone. the knives retired. i love. you love you.

your kiss is sacred. smooth. gentle. soft. a delicate petal which shocks my lips. i need you!

we sit. arched backs redundant. filled with fear, spent with lust. desire burns you see. it screams!

can you see the tear i have from you? can i kiss the cheek you turn away?

how can i ache from the love that you give? or hate from the passion which you deny?

i don’t understand! & the blood runs thin.  droplets slow; the perfect form. pain.

the last kiss is beautiful. slow, moist lips, tenderly press. a smile forms. a sigh begins. our hands hold on. press against the naked flesh. deep breath attracts & the world stands back and looks.

the curve of your breasts, so sweet and firm. the shoulder you cry on, worn and true.

but you broke first. your tears told lies.

please let me kiss you again. i want to retake that dream. rebuild it and stand up!

god, please let us love. let us hold on.

let us!

LET US!.

but we sit there. our shame and our decay. our hopes broken. the walls deaf to our pleas. our home silent to the pain that flows through our blood to the floor. & we are stuck.

let me kiss you.

let me taste your tears.

please, come closer and hold me! & see that our strength is still here..

but just let me kiss you!

& place your hand in mine.

Please.

I love you.

(c) Ed Simkins