Missing You.

How do I get you?

How do I reach you?

How do I stop this bullshit and find you once more in my arms?

– How?!?

The walls still echo with the laughter you produced,

The beauty of your smile radiates in spaces known to us.

And the empty garden still cries in silence without your voice.

So where are you my love?

Where have you gone?

Why have you ridden so very far away?

I dream of you.

I see your face.

A distant memory that takes me back.

But the coldness of this winter past I know will last the year

& I miss you like the leaves without the trees

& I care nothing for the sun without you.

In my mind I cup your smiling cheeks. I hold you in my nervous dreams.

I prostrate myself and cry for you.

– For you.

& Each night a life of torture passes.

The blood that’s spilt, my offering for you.

My dreams for you.

So tell me how. Just tell me how!

How do I win you back?

How do I fix this world?

How do I make you smile again.

For me.

How?

& How do I let these tears stop rolling?

For the days they care no more,

Nor the nights which see these droplets fall.

I miss you.

I love you.

I love you.

~ A poem about Ghosts & Songs & Broken Justice & how I find it hard to escape.

© Ed Simkins

Advertisements

Breakup

tonight death stalks me;

a bride in red.

flaxen hair. her perfect face.

i spit blood & cry.

for dreams end in a lonely night.

destruction rife. a broken home.

she stands there .

clothed and beautiful. crying. in paine.

& my heart sinks as the water of the waves takes over.

i kneel & fall.

i love her & i cannot breathe.

she hates. she trembles. & none of the words i want to say comes forth or helps.

she shivers. shrieks. i cannot stop the pain. i cannot stop her.

her hair is wired and makeup bludgeoned all over her face.

my bruises ache. heart torn.

my efforts long surrendered.

i want to save the world. to make it alright. but where is God? where is help?

Where is anyone to tell her to stay? to explain. to show her the way.

& so i touch her.

god,  i touch her. i hold her hand and feel the smoothness of her skin.

our eyes connect. we pause the fight.

i’m trembling. she’s furious. but she’s still a child.

& i broke her.

& my regret is chained.

i feel the weight & the burden of her love.

she reaches for me with her lips and our tears merge.

she whispers soft apologies and slowly, frustratedly walks away.

& i feel the vessels in my heart tear themselves apart.

& i see her leave.

~ too long indoors makes the memories play

(c) Ed Simkins