Frustration

I’m losing my mind.
Trapped with these walls of stone.
Lost within a world in which I have no say.
No control.
No way to do the things I wish to do.
Or bring her close.

& there she is,
Fate herself.
The perfect one.
Naked.

That smile.
That face.
That body.
All within my mind.

I’m lost.

I cross the lines of sanity when I’m with her.
I laugh & joke & play & tease & freedom shows no knowing concern.

& then I’m here.
Here within my cell of life .
& I’m obsessed.
Addicted.
Forced to be without her.

Life is cruel.
Life is bland.
Life…is the rocks beneath this cliff upon which I stand…
Without her.

I bow my head to fate.
I know my role.
My curtailed situation.
I know I dream.
I know I love.

The day it ends is always a day too soon.
& another lonely day folds without her.

– the weekend.
© ed simkins 2016

Fears & Adventure

Cacophony of fear. I’m scared to death.
That dreams should take a final breath.
I fly today. A foreign land.
No love is held. No female hand.
I drown in sorrow. Of loves gone past.
Escape is needed. Escape at last.
I dream of you. an unknown name.
One who dreads & feels the same.
Music soft, & cello played.
Relation past, I wish had stayed.
Panic falls in cold dark tears
As all my hopes they disappear.
I’m scared to death & fate it snares
As aging man I dread to dare.
I’d love again if heart was free
To kiss the wind in symphony.
A perfect love that resonates
in beauty held for which I ache.
Three figures stand around me here
The past, the present & death so near.
The past is her, my broken wife
A girl who died with sacred knife
She slit her wrist to ease the blood
In crimson tide & ending flood.
There’s death that’s close & follows me,
I fear a waiting obituary,
A heart attack or painful fire
Or still alive in burning pyre,
& then there’s dream of porcelain girl,
Who smiles & giggles in dizzy curls,
My sweet desire, my late night fun
The girl to kiss, my only one.
& all around this set of three
Lies orange land & brazen sea
soon escape with mind & heart
& see how God will play his part,
Will I die in flaming wreck?
Or love all night on maiden’s neck?
Obsessed with fate, I’ll avoid the gaze
Of death & try to conquer days,
& maybe then between nightly freeze,
Love’s true call will quickly breeze
Into sight with victory
& send me joyful company.
Let’s hope for love, let’s hope for thrill,
Let’s hope for justice; a new sweet girl.

~ See you all soon. Thank you all for the joy & smiles, support & warmth you’ve brought me on here. More poetry & rambles when I get back folks…

© Ed Simkins

Dreams Upon A Wall

would you say yes if love smiled wide? if it approached your door and knocked?

would you give it all the time of day? or politely turn it far away?

would you?

for on a wet wall outside your house, i sit and ponder. a dream fulfills my mind but flutters scared.

i recall the days, the girls, the doors which closed. i know my fate before the deed is called.

i see you walking through your warm rooms at night. i see you think and act and dream alone.

do you know i exist? do you care that i seek? that a human kind exists for you?

But a dark shadow freezes here. filled with fear, his nerves a mess.

i seek you temptress. but how, how i’m scared!

that passion sought is not the paine, but humiliation is, defeat.  the dreaded answer no.

a stupid boy.

one that’s stuck to distant wall.

i watch you dream & whispers call. repeat.

a cup of tea, a simple chat. a laugh and knowing smile.

a pleasant thought, a happy silence, the space between where no paine grows.

we’d talk and look, our eyes would flirt, and bitten lips would tease & lead.

our happy hearts would bounce and dance with loving joy that friendship brings.

& how we’d sing in silly games that children play in youthful times.

& roses wait upon your door.

for i’m scared to say, to let you know. so i walk off home & mix my tears with the pouring rain.

leave you there, through watered wooden window frames, & let you watch a wall where stranger sat.

as dark clouds journey through their twilight path, & bid farewell to dreams undone,

& slowly kiss with slight rejection, the man of truth upon your wall.

~ dreams are the things I have inside. reality i know, is unfathomable, without control.

(c) Ed Simkins