Around her

In my mind she lies upon my bed of white
Her long, fringed, brunette hair begging to be stroked.
Her naked young body appealing, transfixing me with its beauty.
I savour this sight.

I’d picked up her before
My arms raising her pretty little face high & close to mine.
Her hair cascaded upon my skin & tickled me
My heart sang & I smiled in love.

She’d shared some chocolates with me earlier
Told me of her family
Declared war on her sister
Shared stories of her brothers.

She’d ran towards me in the park
I saw her & pretended not to notice
Her beaming face whirled around my ecstatic mind
I leant in & kissed her sweet fine lips.

In a world of friends I’d pulled her in,
Tried to tease & jest & caress her chin.
She played so seriously, ignoring me but then
In secret moments of thought, she let me in.

My heart was up & down & inside out today
I let her control my mind & tease my soul.
I’m her puppy, her playful fool.
I love her too much & I hope she knows.

I lie her down on my bed tonight.
I’ll hold her close & kiss her softly.
Breathe her in so deeply & wrap myself around her.
In my empty bed I dream of her.

– based on reality, the dream continues
© ed simkins 2016

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Hidden Games.

Fragile bones and purity, yearning under clothes
Dreams of passion, thorns & a rose.
Crimson t-shirt is worn, hidden white skin
Searching inlets towards, finding secret ways in.

She stands there before me, silent & still
Carrying notice of her determined innocent strong will.
I long to hold her, such is the greed
Hunger my soul mate, my angel my need.

I bite with my talons, I pull and I bend her
Tie her to my passion, touch with a feather.
Entrap & surround her, hand on her waist
Courting with desperation, seeking her face.

Straight lipped & she’s gazing, off to the side
Searching, no doubt, for a den & to hide.
I grasp & I clamp her, reigning her in
Pressing against her with the love of my sin.

She succumbs & she wriggles, she aches & she groans,
Faking her pleasure to the disgust of my moans.
Time out is called & the masks go back on
Saying goodbye til the faces have gone.

Waving her off with a smile & a wink
I worry if I affect the way that she thinks.
I seek only love & I worship her face
But the deeds which I show seem so out of place.

Though tomorrow will come & I’ll scream out her name
Command her through fear with more of the same.
But I’ll do it with love, though the outcome remains
Girl who he loves, & Boy who’s insane.

– a confused relationship
© ed simkins 2016

If’s and when’s and maybe’s & all the words that fuck me up.

I sit here dreaming in the furniture of my youth.
Happy dreams that established me.
Playing out in the warm wide sun.
Soldiers trekking through the garden known.
I’m older now but wish I could
Open the door and return back there.
Those happy days without end or sight
Of deadlines which haunt me now and bind my mind.

I see myself as once I was
Smile alight on a tender face
Knowing none of the bullshit which haunts me now.
Running amok with innocent imagination on fire
And the rockery a battlefield of happy toys.
I’d climb on windows and escape the mess
Of Lego strewn on bloodied floor
Walls of Hadrian crossed the room
And days were spent in battles grown.

Then came desktops and cassette radios all climbed by men in suits
Uniforms of war and guns of fun
Stretched high and thrust upon the shelves of books.
I’d spend my days in conquest or happy defeat
Knowing that tomorrow I would do the same.
No need for doubt, no need for pain,
No need to care what mankind did or died outside.

Freedom is the word which recalls my youth
Playing football in the local park or street
Climbing trees and laughing loud, reading books and making plans
I’m older now, but I escape to then, I return to the past to find myself.
He who’s lost in this frightening grown up world
One of death and hate & fear and sin
Not like the world in which I began.

A child stays fresh, his mind alive
Fighting dragons and playing games, being cops and stealing space
All these things & more I held so dear.
The if’s and buts and when’s or maybe’s
They were never words when I was young.
I owned the world & I was king
I was someone special, alive, unique
I was as big as my ego wished itself to be.
Could life ever be like that again?

~ aka: A Lament For The Old Days
*one song, one programme, was all it needed to send me into a spin today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKd2G9CYKmE
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05r7nxx/onehit-wonders-at-the-bbc

© ed simkins