The futility of love.

I want to hold her.
Really hold her.
To my chest.
To my heart.

I’m in love
& I’m in pain.
I’m pleasured
& I’m sick.

I grieve for I know the truth.
In a year she departs.
Gone.
Leaving for a foreign land.

& I know this.
I shed tears because of this.
I gaze into her eyes and I know this.
My tears fall because of this.

How can love bring so much pain?
How can life be so cruel & bring so many smiles?
How can she be this perfect & so close to me
& yet engaged in a fading act of dying?

i love her.

© ed simkins 2016
– torture is my grief, love the cause.

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Pictures Of Love

Look at that smile!
Look at it!
Look at the beacon of all that is perfect with the world when the world is torn by such hate & fear.

She is God.
She is warmth.
She is perfection.
She is life.

I own no power.
I control no world.
I lie in awe
& yet still she desires me.

She’s stolen my heart with the innocence of her mind
With her child-like wonder.
Her curiosity. Her desire.
Her love.

& that face.
Her face.
With her deep, dark eyes, & that secret hidden world.
Her tender pale skin & her young sweet cherry lips.

She laughs & I don’t care about the world out there.
For I am lost and happy in this dream I behold.

Sacred is her body,
Beauty is her name.
I kiss her softly,
& My hands they caress her.

She smiles & we part in love
I tell her I love her. I wrap it in words.
I caress her white skin
& I long for her beauty
Again & again.

– all I can think of is her.
© ed simkins 2016

Love which Smiles

An hour I’ve sat here.
Stuck. Numbed by happiness. Frozen in time by the smiles you left upon my heart.
Can I call you back?
I knew you’d run with open arms and hold yourself so closely against all I contain for you.

I’m beaming.
I’m frightened.
I’m in love & it bleeds.
I cannot move for fear that this moment is edging ever forwards into darkness.

Oh my angel I long for you & you have only just left!
That I could fall for such a girl. For such a woman.
For such an angel who loves me too.

I hurt.

I hurt for you.
I hurt for every second you let me caress.
I hurt for every cherished smile you send my way.

& I play back the movie I make of you.
These eyes repeat their offence & enjoy.

I breathe you in and warming fires began to flame across this frozen heart.
How can it be that love exists in such times that always end?
That happiness flits across my universe and that you, you are the beautiful radiating cause of it all!

I love you.

A simple declaration of every thought I hold for you.
I smile and long and want and dream and kiss the silent air when you are gone.

Your joy is mine.
You let me in.
You stand so close. You let me play and tease and stroke and hold
And breathe.

And you enjoy me for it.
For the happiness I give you.
& I love you.

Girl, I love you.

– each experience with you fills my heart with such abundance of dreams.
© ed simkins 2016

Quiet.

A stillness born of death pervades my room.
I’m sat here.
Silent.

I’m tired.
Weary.
Mind screaming war-worn tales of

Confusion.

Thoughts which dangle around the cord around my neck.
To pull or jump.
To hide or fall.

Shadows mock the sights portrayed.
Notions of success & lover’s loved.
That I was king but now a tramp.

I breathe & mind stumbles towards an exit known.
In death can dreams become a golden shrine.
& the earth will give me gentle rest.

I seek escape.

~ a late night film & broken thoughts
© ed simkins 2015

My Cemetery Walk

Wasted days or relaxing thoughts?
Screams of passion lead to naught
Taken far and slapped on face
Darkness over cemetery finds empty space
Grave held low & roses grow
Shaping shadows on those I know
Moments play & sounds escape
Crossing fields as hidden snake
Blood flows thin on stolen win
Whilst cold hand rests on old man’s chin
Take the time & let it roll
Time I say for midnight stroll
See the dead & hear them sing
Watch the movement of silent wing
Bird of prey and harvest moon
Frozen winds and coated tune
November rain or evening mist
Loveless lives & forgotten kiss
The pathway leads across the field
My body broken begins to yield
I’m sure soon that death will force
My mind to stop and then in course
Weep once more and shake in pain
As I remember hand in hand in lover’s lane
Beside her grave I lay down and weep
And feel my heart pulled down deep
To mix with dreams that I once knew
And mix with her and seep on through
In pain, in death, our lives will merge
And maybe then I’ll feel such surge
That stand and jump are actions made
By old man broken, who lies afraid
Perhaps one day in secret lips
A drink of life will soon be sipped
& dreams and hope and smiles be found
By passioned excitement in arms abound.

~ silly dreams within my mind as I walk through the cemetery
© ed simkins

Darkness Calls.

Can you feel the blood trickle forth?
Tempting fate with kisses of sad recline.

Death breathes, slow release & cries.
A line of existence draws close upon her eyes.

Those which sought have died & the light it fades
Failing from the misery told in youth, a dream expires.

The soil falls in broken clumps
Heart sinks with the patter of the rose petals thrown.

I feel the cold.

A final push towards the sanity of man refused
Time repents & runs away.

Beware the dust of thought which closes in upon your naked skin
The worms will feed well this night through itching hate.

I see her glare, her moist white lips
As her decaying dreams scream my name

The silence moans, bearing forth fruit of frozen lust
Princess cried in blood red mist.

I hold her naked flame & tremble at the cost.

~ On thinking about death.
© ed simkins

Photographs

Apparition smiled, a falling child
Killed lonely man, sent no smile
Dreams of yesteryear fraught with pain
Hopes all dashed, my life insane.

Stillness purveys, over yonder field
At hidden depths of dusty, broken shield.
Silent tears fall, their coldness screams
Of broken words & long lost means.

If I could save the life once led
Then ghosts would leave from distraught head
Pain would end in stolen nights
& rainbow colours would hence be light.

But papyrus dreams of a beauteous form
Who stole my heart & broke the norm
She danced in playful travelled gifts
Until her halo began to shift.

She glides each day & stalks my land
& in her death she holds my hand
She looks to me & reminds me so
Of how I miss her inner glow.

But death is close & ghosts are cruel
For in midnight hours they will rule
They’ll shadow you & break you down
From lion’s heart to royal crown.

& so I lie amidst her lies
As tears stream in vast goodbye
Broken tiredness & sleep deprived
Her ghost beside & both we cried.

Blackness, fright & dark decay
Fill these words with which I say
My love I kiss a thousand times
Your love is lost, I cannot find.

~ I saw your picture today & it cut me deep.
© ed simkins

Words Not told for you.

Allow death to ramble through your mind as she waits for sleep. Bring the poison closer & sink deeply into the pillows of your mind. Kisses exist no longer as the wound she leaves vents & stings.
Dreams end in failed toxic concoctions. Music no longer lifts but soils the white sheets you rest upon. The fun you had has disappeared within the swirling smoke of thought. I hate me.

Tired, tepid, late night lovers hold onto to strangles made in the cacophony of lust. Their sweat merged in pools of love upon the bed beside you. crawl down to the ends of time & bury your face from such torment. I’m sure love will grow again once more, though where & when & for whom I shall not know. Apologise & play the killer song again. Taste it.

Cold capsized my mind tonight. 2:17 and the world of dogs & hidden trees of fate hide themselves in shades of morning earth. I’m calling you because I’m lost. So lost. Can you aid or bathe the wounds with which I find? I’m aching for an escape from the monsters within my mind, for none will leave no matter how far I run..

& the silence is loud. I’m hurting. My eyes burn with revulsion & the mirrors with which I once showed the female race the beauty of their god is now redundant in dust & cracked shards of memory. I’m no longer what I used to be. Child is dead. The body rots. The mind is veiled & the thoughts echo to the bells of ageing pain.

Only the knife in my head remains as my friend. Her crimson tide kisses my skin & pours it’s scorn upon my time. I’m hurting bad, but soon this world will close it’s lips & laugh at me no more. Soon I will need no more remembrance of the deeds of god. Of when I was king & ruled this hallowed land. I whisper goodbye.

& feel my river red ebb. Pulsate & flow.

Tears merge with blood & the night consumes.
Eats me whole.

I’m sorry.

~ now 02:46 & the night is long & endless.
© ed simkins 2015

Pissed Off At Bullshit.

See me standing, see me smile
& know that underneath, I fume all the while
For barraged by lies, struck down by the bull
I wish for the evil an intelligence cull!

I would remove all these idiots who control with their lies
I would happily eradicate them & wave them goodbye
I would line them all up and one after other
Remove my twisted fellow, my so called human brother

For he stands there and degrades the intelligence I now have
With his condescending ridicule & his monstrous false laugh
He pats on my shoulders and says ‘Dear Boy’
& he treats me superficially, he thinks I’m some toy

He tells me to think, to agree with his words
But I see through his pretence & I know he’s absurd
I spit & I bleed with frustration & such hate
That my venom can’t reach him & I’ve left it too late

So yeah sure I say, make up you’re rules
Treat me to such idiocy and mockery by fools
Tell me I’m wrong & tell me I’m dim
Because the morality I have hasn’t let me yet ‘win’

But when you’re outnumbered by idiots and the dumb
What chance do you have of breaking such sum
That the evil and weak, that the fuckwits and sheep
Will always out power the thoughts that I keep

For you see I’m bound by the law & I’m forced not to shout
‘How dare you stand up & let the truth out?
How dare you complain and put out the facts
That all of our bullshit is just an attack?

For No-one will listen to your un-PC ways
Where truth and justice are an old-fashioned craze
Anything you say will lead you to die
& anything you know will be tainted with lies

Let us twist statistics and paint you with hate
Vilify your lifestyle with a sad end as fate
A minority we are but we’ve taken control
& you better know ‘brother’ we’re after you soul.

So give us your money, give us respect
Give us more of everything you haven’t given yet
For you’re finished, you’re pathetic, embarrassed and dying
Your history has changed, & it’s your God who’s crying.

~ injustice and bullshit really piss me off. Who are these idiots who are so ‘special’? I hate them!
(c) ed simkins

Come Sit With Me.

Take the powder out of your mouth.
Let the crimson tide flow deeply down your veins.
Rest still deep within the comfort of your cherished chair & drift.
Float.
Fall away like autumn leaves upon the cold winds of time.

Believe the dreams my friend & gather in the dust of thought.
Ask yourself the darkest question.
Is death a friend? Will it hurt?
Will nature chase your haunted mind until it screams?

& spot the girl.
The angel of your destiny.
The fraudulent one.
Watch her beckon you in with whispers of beckoning pleasure.
But realise all angels lie & disdain the truth.
Are you still numb with the ecstasy of the burning numbness held within?

Now gaze upon the mirror my friend.
Glare back at the tears you stream towards the level of hell.
Is that where you wish to end or sink?
Is life that bad that all you see are the roses which grow over you?
Are you weak or just subsumed in the tiredness of eternal exhaustion?
So many questions asked I feel you spin.

So come sit with me & let the rhythms flow.
Taste the wine or magic seed escape your self.
Breathe out, exhale & let your soul drift & seek the source of your belief.
Feel the passion of her innocence, the stories of your next day forth.
Cry & shudder & start again.
Kiss the world & then forget.

Tomorrow starts here in your powdered mind.

~ thoughtful dreams as i sit before you, the world
(c) ed simkins 2015