Lost.

I need a hug.

A sign of humanity.

Shared resilience

Acceptance of pain.

I’m dying alone.
I’m drugged & I’m tired & I’m battered & I find it hard to go on.
The world is in darkness.
& I feel the water flow.

Silent crystals etching out trouble
Staining my face which is ugly
I’ve seen the reflection
& I’ve seen how they run.

How close could you get
To the tears of a dead man?

Remember a soft kiss?
the last was a dream

& the echoes of that vibration shudder through my soul.
& I look at your picture.

I know that you’re smiling & that you’re a long way away.
I would die to behold you
& melt on your shoulder
Your arm firm around me.
Say that you love me
That the wait is still worth it.
That the end is so near
& that the dream will reappear.

I cried in the open
& the people they looked.
They saw nothing but frustration
Failure & pathetic-ness.

The laughed & they pointed & they saw my collapse.
I hid in the isles & broke down too badly.
Crawled to my carriage & hid in the darkness.
Wallowed in my failure & stared at the edge.

Dreams fall away & the lights need replacing.

Gone are the days when I cared for myself.
& the terror of self pity is a blanket I lie in.

~ a harsh night alone.
© ed simkins 2015

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AM 5:04

Failed life.
Death is stalking.
Light of laughter
Dreams are broken

Eyes strain
Burn, yearn
Fallen lies
Confinement made.

Passion builds
An empty joke
My tears strive
Released in flow.

No thoughts but death
A silent night
Of pain engulfs
These ageing hands.

Ripped cuts in skin
Crimson tears they stream
Slow escape from fate
Dreams which break.

Silk kisses please
But memories fade
Bask in beauty born
If life were dreams.

~ too late too sleep
© ed simkins

Valentine Still Sleeps

I rode to her grave. Cycled hard.

13 miles of hills & rain & solemn contemplation.

Cemetery empty & dark.

I took her my card. To talk of love.

The stars sparkled as I sat beside her. & I wished and dreamt & missed her so.

I whispered soft adoration & I pictured her in front of me.

When we danced. When we kissed.

When we used to just stand & breathe & hold & in slow caress we’d love.

Fresh Red roses shone for her last night. Under the moon’s sad light.

I was lost.

Her death had brought the dog. An unforgiving black beast. A perpetual companion.

& we sat there & thought. Imagined. Pined.

But many a hour did not relieve the angst of her loss.

My grief at her death has not transformed.

Her stolen body leaves an empty hole.

Her beauty faded into earth’s forgotten dust.

She doesn’t care. For her tombstone is not her burden. Her reminder.

So I broke down & watched the world burn.

I hate these days. These ends to the night.

For the dead have nothing to say. They remain as silent as the living.

& I wished I could lie down n die too. Let the flood drown me.

End it.

Isn’t that the only way she’ll return? The only way we can be as one?

But the dead know of no pain. Nor do the ignorant.

So I waited for sleep. Or for her to rise.

& notice me.

Instead, the hours just slowly drifted past.

& I woke up this morning, eyes wet & sore.

Her stolen diary pressed to my body.

Maybe one day I’ll read it.

Maybe one day I’ll get the truth.

Maybe one day I’ll get to kiss my lover again.

~ a night spent with my girl

© Ed Simkins

Seraph Begin

your naked fingers glide and laugh. i’m teased by the brilliance of your soft wet kisses.

& i smile. & i escape.

the madness that revolves around the world outside ceases at my door, as you stand there.

stripped of thought and body taut, you tease my face. & drunk and drugged, your disrobed love inflames my famished senses.

& i smile. & i grin. & i want you.

but people scream and strangers run & the street outside is set alight. & the war is fought by blooded barons and poisoned narcotic-filled fanatics.

but in here…oh, in here!

Within this shallow grave, against your feminine approach, i find my mind surrounded by your soothe sensual sex appeal & your raucous dominant desire.

& together, we smile.

your hands – strict silken gloves across my wanton skin,  my tired eyes bathe in your delicate affection.

the shouts of death and thuds of destruction fly past the broken window as we begin to love.

& your eyes sparkle & the moment engulfs us.

Standing close against my mortal frame, your electric eyes ensnare; studying, desiring, daring, taunting.

& our hungry hearts pound as our minds dream, scream & declare their youthful yearning.

the immediate beauty of the silence around us drowns us.

for when the world outside ignites, your naked body and graceful dreams immerse my fears in a blanket of lust & love and slow, compassionate embraces.

& i hunger for you.

Seraph begin.

(c) Ed Simkins

All Because I loved You

Have you heard I’m famous here for murdering a child and selling her for cash?

Have you heard the lies, or seen the house in which I burned and flickered in the night?

Did she tell you the truth to which she kept? The fallacy of her every word?

Her hand in mine was a gentle gift, one which the Lord did give to me.

Her pretty name was ‘Natasha’ but I shan’t tell you much more. Her story revels in words sold you see.

But we were in love you see. Til the day she was five when she stole the last of my hidden gems.

We used to play in the tree houses beyond and swim in the cool spring rivers downstate.

But tonight my house burns. Gentle flickers illuminate the haunted spray of stars

& the women outside pitch my walls in vile contempt – though they see no truth in love or vice.

I hold your tender picture as the flames lap spiritually around. As they spit and call my name.

My age is six, but they made me lie, & now they force me to sit and cry.

Mom and dad are far away & left to save their name.

So here I am alone again, thinking of the girl I love.

Burning.

Burning.

(c) Ed Simkins