Quiet.

A stillness born of death pervades my room.
I’m sat here.
Silent.

I’m tired.
Weary.
Mind screaming war-worn tales of

Confusion.

Thoughts which dangle around the cord around my neck.
To pull or jump.
To hide or fall.

Shadows mock the sights portrayed.
Notions of success & lover’s loved.
That I was king but now a tramp.

I breathe & mind stumbles towards an exit known.
In death can dreams become a golden shrine.
& the earth will give me gentle rest.

I seek escape.

~ a late night film & broken thoughts
© ed simkins 2015

Lost.

I need a hug.

A sign of humanity.

Shared resilience

Acceptance of pain.

I’m dying alone.
I’m drugged & I’m tired & I’m battered & I find it hard to go on.
The world is in darkness.
& I feel the water flow.

Silent crystals etching out trouble
Staining my face which is ugly
I’ve seen the reflection
& I’ve seen how they run.

How close could you get
To the tears of a dead man?

Remember a soft kiss?
the last was a dream

& the echoes of that vibration shudder through my soul.
& I look at your picture.

I know that you’re smiling & that you’re a long way away.
I would die to behold you
& melt on your shoulder
Your arm firm around me.
Say that you love me
That the wait is still worth it.
That the end is so near
& that the dream will reappear.

I cried in the open
& the people they looked.
They saw nothing but frustration
Failure & pathetic-ness.

The laughed & they pointed & they saw my collapse.
I hid in the isles & broke down too badly.
Crawled to my carriage & hid in the darkness.
Wallowed in my failure & stared at the edge.

Dreams fall away & the lights need replacing.

Gone are the days when I cared for myself.
& the terror of self pity is a blanket I lie in.

~ a harsh night alone.
© ed simkins 2015

Midnight Suicide.

Hurting.
Crying.
Another late night.

Falling.
Breaking.
Mind caving in.

Face wet with tears
Heavy hand burdened
Death blowing sweet kiss.

Days end in collapse
Strength an illusion
Pathetic humiliation.

Unable to break out
Frustrated by limits
Entrapped by my dreams

Screaming through these old ribs
Frightened by my own age
Terrified by hers.

Loser to everything
Hated by all
Unknown by everyone

Dreams an illusion
Empty with frustration
Once was a child.

Exhausted by fighting
Missing her last kiss
Afraid of tomorrow

Desperate to return
To the days of my kingship
So long without love

Expressing my failure
Knowing my weakness
My midnight suicide.

~ what more needs saying? Another painful night.
© ed simkins

Tears of Blood Red

Tear
Red line drawn
Shaking, tremble
Passion
Sorrow

Paine
Crimson
Reduction Pulsing
Memories hurt
These tears are red

Silent breathing
Stickiness
Scarlet syrup
Sharp blade tight
Sadness overwhelmed

The face distraught
Distorts
A lonely night
In abject fear
Alone

The waves burdening
Sinking
I’m tired
Weary
Frustrated

I don’t know any other way
These tears flow steadily
The world is full of strangers
& the brain is a failure
Starved of success

Meaning devoid
These droplets of rich red blood
Trickle on white skin in contrast
Life is ebbing
Fading

The roses you took
& faces which steal
Achievements empty
change too difficult.
Eyes close & I’m drifting

~ full of rage & full of pain. A horrible night.
© ed simkins