Unknown Recluse

I am lonely but for the candle which burns before me.

My eyes tortured by the sight I drank of her this day.

Sweet & young & faithful,

Crimson flirt & thoughtful words.

 

I am sick for needing her.

For urging fate to somehow twist & bring her forth to my world of darkness this long & lonely night.

 

I am empty.

Numb.

Alone.

 

Her golden smile shatters worlds of desperate pain & feeds the world with love & joy & abandoned giddy smiles.

My angel!

My perfect, pretty smiling friend!

 

I am dying for the love of you!

That I could hold & dance & swirl with you!

That I could seek your lips upon these forgotten keepers of my words.

These gates which do imprison me.

 

I love you…

There! I nearly said your name!

& the world would know!

 

But I love you & my hands will hold you secret love,

Tomorrow in the kindness of the day.

& words will I stutter & speak & jestfully declare

That no girl makes the world so fair.

 

Or breaks my heart through longing for you!

 

For you!

 

& tears shed in wanton, frustrated fashion from these tired eyes.

 

I love you…

& I scream your name in calling you!

In wanting you!

In loving you!

 

– anguish.

© ed simkins 2016

Missing Her

Midnight.

Land of seclusion.

Eroding memories.

Worlds of delusion.

 

I love this dream.

She sings to me in beauty.

Starlight fantasy

Forbidden cutie.

 

Dying in the depth of silence

Sensual thoughts swirl over her.

Trapped by passion held in wanton heart

Mystic candle burns & blurs.

 

I hear the tide of death arrive

Slowly whispering as it approaches.

taking hand of lovers wrist

biting hard on heart as he encroaches.

 

She, my love, my heart, my cherished grief

Smiling with the stars outside

Leaving me & stolen

Not knowing how much I tried.

 

I love this creature, this ephemeral girl

With drops of crystal, tears a-fall

I see my fate, I see my death,

Heartache in stoned on my last breath.

 

As the candle burns & I seek solace

I bow my head & lie

Tell her deeply, tell her truth

That I’ll love her well, til our last goodbye.

 

 

– I’m too engrossed by her.

© ed simkins 2016

Love which Smiles

An hour I’ve sat here.
Stuck. Numbed by happiness. Frozen in time by the smiles you left upon my heart.
Can I call you back?
I knew you’d run with open arms and hold yourself so closely against all I contain for you.

I’m beaming.
I’m frightened.
I’m in love & it bleeds.
I cannot move for fear that this moment is edging ever forwards into darkness.

Oh my angel I long for you & you have only just left!
That I could fall for such a girl. For such a woman.
For such an angel who loves me too.

I hurt.

I hurt for you.
I hurt for every second you let me caress.
I hurt for every cherished smile you send my way.

& I play back the movie I make of you.
These eyes repeat their offence & enjoy.

I breathe you in and warming fires began to flame across this frozen heart.
How can it be that love exists in such times that always end?
That happiness flits across my universe and that you, you are the beautiful radiating cause of it all!

I love you.

A simple declaration of every thought I hold for you.
I smile and long and want and dream and kiss the silent air when you are gone.

Your joy is mine.
You let me in.
You stand so close. You let me play and tease and stroke and hold
And breathe.

And you enjoy me for it.
For the happiness I give you.
& I love you.

Girl, I love you.

– each experience with you fills my heart with such abundance of dreams.
© ed simkins 2016

Perpetual Dreams Of You

You weren’t there beside me last night.
My bed of creeping thoughts was happy but devoid.
I was dreaming of you as I slunk into sleep
Dreaming that I held you, caressing your soft skin.

God, that I could kiss you!
& make everything so perfect!
I would hold you so closely
& love you so deeply & true

It’s not fair that I can’t & that’s something that bugs me
That dreams are created in the factory of my mind
& then here in the realities of my dull pained existence
You are but an illusion which cries here before me.

You climb into my arms and tell me to love well
You want my arms tight around you, protection from the nightmares
Wanting me to kiss you, look in your eyes & smile
& then safely, let you slumber through the stars which take you far from me.

I wish I didn’t love you sometimes
For the pain that you throw me
Scars this heart & this mind which betrays me
With tears of the blood which cuts with your tongue

You never need me for me
Never see me for someone separate
I’m just a ghost which you talk to or need
When you’re alone in the dark.

I’m a fool for you, my child,
I’m a guy who seeks your desire
I’m succumbed by biology
To make love & protect you.

& then when you smile & the sun fires high in the sky
God, I’m a loser, lost to your whim.
I crawl on my knees
To betray my own mind to please you.

Addicted to love, or the kiss of your lips
I’ll sit here for hours, just biding my time
Waiting for you to come over
& snuggle up besides me for warmth

Life would be easier if dreams didn’t exist
To tease & to hate me, to jest or disturb
But like the male which I am
I’m seduced by the dream

But for now, I will escape to a place where illusions can’t follow me
The gym or the garden, or some foreign land of war
& try hard to forget you, until a silent thought crawls through my mind
& the fantasies of You, begin once again.

~ summer sun in the morning sets me off dreaming about You.
© ed simkins