The Fight

Blood stains your angry face
A sensual kiss which rips your lips.
Frustrated hair evokes such rage
Terror fills your eyes and cries.

Soft pause in a heated room.

Breathe
& then attack once more.

Your vicious words cuts my heart with shards of angst
What makes you hate with such aplomb?
What causes these deeds of evil?
& how can I respond in kind reply?

We wait upon the floor in weariness
But then you speak again

& the hate & anger comes pouring forth
Blood red spit comes shooting out
& your teeth snarl in rage
Grinding stones of torture tear the world apart

A final show down, an illusion played out
& all the mirrors shatter in crying shame
We hear the drums of lust but you fear the name
& slash my throat with fingers once loved in night.

Cold sweat bends & falls
No way to escape the room alive but think

Love erupts in cutting ways
Torn clothes & battered faces
Destruction known to man & girl
& so Love it stabs at hopeful heart

Exhausted faces weep in shame
Bedraggled whimpers sigh slowly across the field of doom.
House & home, so still & worn
Lovers sleep in closing arms.

~ when she drives you mad! 😛
(c) ed simkins 2015

Light Fades

So a dream disappears,
sunk beneath the waves of hope & want.
I cannot say I didn’t expect
But the tide of pain has squashed my nights with pain & tears.
Frustration builds and volcanic flows of untempered rage erupts
I stare in mid-distance loss
I can’t distinguish the thoughts that flit between my moments here.
Confused and dazed and regret & miffed.
I know not what happened, but that the girl of paradise flew from my life has broken heart.
& I’m with that I’m tired.
I’m looking out upon the fields of the future
A nervous stare which shows no signs of ceasing.
I don’t know where to go or in which direction should I turn.
Stuck as ever and trapped by hands of fate
& of course the broken mind.
The faulty fool which resides within this massacred mind of mine.

I breath.

I wish I could enter the minds of others.
Share their stories & empathise.
But I am locked away in my own pathetic little prison
& set for life.
My garden my only escape.
Minutes of sensation from another world
One in which no hands are kept, no lips are kissed & love is but a passion for life itself.
& then I return.
A darkened home.
Exams & veins about to burst
Plans & work which overwhelm.
To simply or multiply?
I have no answers left or dreams to chase.
The world is barren but for the sarcasm of the hate which spreads.
If I could die I would have shown my tomb the winning hand by now
But I am not to fade like that.
A have but yet a million more years in which to pain.
What is happiness I ask?
& how can anyone claim it as their friend?

A night of thought ensues & nothing more can be done.
21:52 & time to surrender to the collapse of the star outside.

~ a heavy day of thought after the collapse of friendship & yet another paineful crossroads of life.
© ed simkins

suffering from broken love

My love.
What happened?
What happened?
I was a god in fine clothes, the night before last
& we danced and we sang & we conquered the world.
& then today I lie broken & my dreams are extinguished
By the pained & vengeful wrath of your heart.
I am tired & I’m weak & I’ve always been in love
& I adore you & care for you & I’ve never said a word
Which was against you or sent a look which showed distaste
& here is my audience who know how I love you
& worship your soul & the ground where you walk.
But tell my dream girl, tell me what happened?
What hurt you or tore you,
That made you cut me apart?
That stole you away, that broke me in heart?
What pain sent you silent, that showed off your hate?
What cause did provoke you, or cause you to take
A million steps farther than me?
My love.
What happened?

I’m too much in love & that do I know,
Maybe in my actions to you I might show,
That I might lead you astray or say that I love you
But My love I do, & it’s killing me to know
That dreams are an illusion & you’ll never see
How much you fire you stoke & the longing in me.
But tonight you stopped speaking & you ripped yourself away
& I stood like a peasant, wishing you to stay.
& Still I am dying & my tears are distraught
Tell me what I did, for without you I have nought.
But I’ll shut up I guess, cause seems somehow I have wronged
& alone I suffer as pathetically I long
Oh My love, I love you
& I wish you did know
& I’m sorry for the pain or frustration that I caused you to show.
Tonight I am weary & I mean little to you
& I wish that my words meant something to you
Somehow something happened & I’m clueless you see
I’m sick to my heart, & I’m dreaming of thee.
I love you my wonder, & i wish you were smiling
But I’m terrified that’s its over, & tonight I am dying.

~ something bad happened with my dream girl tonight & it’s ripping me apart.
© ed simkins

A World Without Her.

No lips to kiss.
No dream to hold.
No sleeping beauty.
Nor child told.

No basking glory.
No woman who calls.
No allusion to fall for.
Nor romance which stalls.

No changing of rooms.
No crazy nights.
No broken cups.
Nor raucous fights.

No cars collide.
No bed to care.
No long haired carpets.
Nor breakfast shared.

No adventures together.
No feeling like shit.
No put downs or tears
Nor reason for it.

No one to say ‘No.’
No being in the way.
No reason to eat out.
Nor reason to stay.

Life in the fast lane.
The minutes are your own.
Freedom in the slow.
Thoughts kept alone.

Half the world sits silent
The other complains & loves.
But who is the happiest?
& Will I ever know?

~ Contentment is being alone. But excitement?

© Ed Simkins

Tears into the Blood

Frightened sweat drips down. Her beautiful face smiles. Our Blood surrounds.

It’s a simple late night story. One of hate, of love, of you.

we sit in pools of red. our love spent. the fury gone. the knives retired. i love. you love you.

your kiss is sacred. smooth. gentle. soft. a delicate petal which shocks my lips. i need you!

we sit. arched backs redundant. filled with fear, spent with lust. desire burns you see. it screams!

can you see the tear i have from you? can i kiss the cheek you turn away?

how can i ache from the love that you give? or hate from the passion which you deny?

i don’t understand! & the blood runs thin.  droplets slow; the perfect form. pain.

the last kiss is beautiful. slow, moist lips, tenderly press. a smile forms. a sigh begins. our hands hold on. press against the naked flesh. deep breath attracts & the world stands back and looks.

the curve of your breasts, so sweet and firm. the shoulder you cry on, worn and true.

but you broke first. your tears told lies.

please let me kiss you again. i want to retake that dream. rebuild it and stand up!

god, please let us love. let us hold on.

let us!

LET US!.

but we sit there. our shame and our decay. our hopes broken. the walls deaf to our pleas. our home silent to the pain that flows through our blood to the floor. & we are stuck.

let me kiss you.

let me taste your tears.

please, come closer and hold me! & see that our strength is still here..

but just let me kiss you!

& place your hand in mine.

Please.

I love you.

(c) Ed Simkins

Escape From Understandable Stupidity

i lie.

i cheat.

i hate. & i kill.

but these things that i do, are but dreams in my head.

it’s a simple device.

i speak my mind. but often i sit here, cross-legged in my cave.

& i’m jealous & i loathe, i despise & i fear.

these things i now share with you.

& i dream of death & i love to hate. I bitch & i whinge and i spread no joy.

but these things are kept within a splendid realm. a frenzied sense of sensibility.

& then i look down.

& i see the flowers on my floor. pictures of beautiful girls who smile. bodies that lust & ideals that i trust.

& i’d love to share a smile!

i worship no god, my taxes are paid & my days are filled with children and chaos.

i seek to engage. i seek to create. i seek a new wife. i seek my own god. i seek & i learn.

my mistakes are my own. my hate is my own.

but all these things balance. the hate. the love.

& i have yet to kill.

i hate stupid ideas. i hate bureaucracy. i hate people in power who limit my life.

& so with a daily smile i complain. i complain to you. & i would kiss you. i might hate you!

but i have yet to kill.

i live within my cave.  i live within my means. i am my own god & i am my own mistakes.

but i do not kill.

the world is full of the likes of me; simple, innocent fools. people who dream.

& we do not kill.

we share our hate & argue our points. we spit our venom and sulk in papers.

but we let each other grow old.

so let me throw these petals of beauty at you & tell you that i want change. that i trust no-one with power. no man of guns, no man of money, no man of support.

let me throw my words at you & see how you cope!

resist me with intellect & respect I will give. love i will grow. & with slow frustrated acceptance will i begrudgingly grant the terms that you seek.

but i will not kill.

is this a message you could understand?

(c) Ed Simkins

Sexual Deliberations

Dear Reader, Dear you, I have an urgent dilemma for you to review:

Would you turn to the stranger with whom you’ve just spent a pound, would you then grab them tightly and lead them around?

Or would you play it by ear and question them a lot? Or would you just give up and run from the shop?

You see, I’ve asked you because you’re an intelligent being, one who cries and laughs and thinks and believes,

But tell me the truth & tell me no lies, & don’t mock me reader or just criticise.

You see I like you & you should witness me now, for I liked that girl a lot but she couldn’t tell how!

So should I have taken my hands up in rage, and thrown her in triumph like a war to be waged

And beaten her senseless though she did me no wrong, just smiled so sweetly and, you know, led me along!

I’m telling you now, because i know very well, that in this land of the blog…i know you won’t tell!

So now reconsider this problem in strife, when my girlfriend behind me passed me her knife.

It was a strange moment for me, for which one do i kiss? The sweet girl on the floor or my original bliss.

Now let me remind you of the girl who began, and then answer me smartly, that’s if you think you can.

My girl from the gym who came shopping with me, all naked and humble and cute as can be

When she told me to hold her i fell for the trap, & in lovemaking she rode me and left blood on my back!

But when she saw that another had taken my eye, whose fault was it now that my fist i let fly

For under her yoke and under her steel, it felt so good to be loved, if only to feel

it just for a moment, and between two fine people, Dear Reader, I ask you, I implore you, am I really a weasel?

& yes I may jest but it’s you that I trust, so tell me Dear Reader, tell me you must!

When I wake in the morning and I find both girls beside, who’d be the happiest & who most surprised?

The strong girl who controls me and tells me my thoughts, or the princess i met and whose eyes I just caught?

You see Dear Reader, I ask you once more, for which of the three of us is really the whore?

All the Fun of Christmas!

It’s Christmas! – So one of us had to die!

It just so happened that you were the first, that i was the one to try!

It was in the moment that you lied, that you turned to me and the falsehood came out

It was the crazed decision of yours which provoked me to shout

& raise up on high & swipe down with scissors

& leave bloody holes & red spattered fissures.

But hey, my darling, lets look at the facts

– You’re a liar, a cheater, a bitch who attacks!

But I hear what you think, it’s still but ten on Christmas Eve

Maybe I should have just asked you politely to leave.

But seriously my love, when you wind me up with a lie

What else do you expect me to do. except to let fly?

– To stop those remarks, to stop your deciet

To halt you for thrashing me into…absolute defeat.

You see, & I say in my defence, that ‘I love you my darling!’ yet you call me a clown

That all today’s presents and gifts & my thoughts, they just simply let you down!

Now why would you do that? I mean for God’s sake, it’s Christmas day!

Why couldn’t you just shut up & listen to what I had to say!

Just for a moment, just for a change

Allow me to love you without it feeling strange.

But i guess that can’t happen now, it seems I’ve finally called the shots

& an end to to the misery, your lies and your plots!

& I’ll hold you my dear, I’ll hold you til they come!

I’ll tell them everything, I’ll describe what you done.

I’ll tell them of the anguish and everything as above,

& I’ll tell them how you treated me and how you ridiculed my love.

& they’ll agree with me, of that I’m sure, but not that I care,

That your blood on these scissors

on Christmas

was fair!

© Ed Simkins