tonight death stalks me;
a bride in red.
flaxen hair. her perfect face.
i spit blood & cry.
for dreams end in a lonely night.
destruction rife. a broken home.
she stands there .
clothed and beautiful. crying. in paine.
& my heart sinks as the water of the waves takes over.
i kneel & fall.
i love her & i cannot breathe.
she hates. she trembles. & none of the words i want to say comes forth or helps.
she shivers. shrieks. i cannot stop the pain. i cannot stop her.
her hair is wired and makeup bludgeoned all over her face.
my bruises ache. heart torn.
my efforts long surrendered.
i want to save the world. to make it alright. but where is God? where is help?
Where is anyone to tell her to stay? to explain. to show her the way.
& so i touch her.
god, i touch her. i hold her hand and feel the smoothness of her skin.
our eyes connect. we pause the fight.
i’m trembling. she’s furious. but she’s still a child.
& i broke her.
& my regret is chained.
i feel the weight & the burden of her love.
she reaches for me with her lips and our tears merge.
she whispers soft apologies and slowly, frustratedly walks away.
& i feel the vessels in my heart tear themselves apart.
& i see her leave.
~ too long indoors makes the memories play
(c) Ed Simkins