Quiet.

A stillness born of death pervades my room.
I’m sat here.
Silent.

I’m tired.
Weary.
Mind screaming war-worn tales of

Confusion.

Thoughts which dangle around the cord around my neck.
To pull or jump.
To hide or fall.

Shadows mock the sights portrayed.
Notions of success & lover’s loved.
That I was king but now a tramp.

I breathe & mind stumbles towards an exit known.
In death can dreams become a golden shrine.
& the earth will give me gentle rest.

I seek escape.

~ a late night film & broken thoughts
© ed simkins 2015

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Photographs

Apparition smiled, a falling child
Killed lonely man, sent no smile
Dreams of yesteryear fraught with pain
Hopes all dashed, my life insane.

Stillness purveys, over yonder field
At hidden depths of dusty, broken shield.
Silent tears fall, their coldness screams
Of broken words & long lost means.

If I could save the life once led
Then ghosts would leave from distraught head
Pain would end in stolen nights
& rainbow colours would hence be light.

But papyrus dreams of a beauteous form
Who stole my heart & broke the norm
She danced in playful travelled gifts
Until her halo began to shift.

She glides each day & stalks my land
& in her death she holds my hand
She looks to me & reminds me so
Of how I miss her inner glow.

But death is close & ghosts are cruel
For in midnight hours they will rule
They’ll shadow you & break you down
From lion’s heart to royal crown.

& so I lie amidst her lies
As tears stream in vast goodbye
Broken tiredness & sleep deprived
Her ghost beside & both we cried.

Blackness, fright & dark decay
Fill these words with which I say
My love I kiss a thousand times
Your love is lost, I cannot find.

~ I saw your picture today & it cut me deep.
© ed simkins

Tripping on illusions

I’m not sure.
It’s all bizarre.
Maybe I’m dead.
Or lost.

The sun’s out.
The clouds are rolling.
Things just seem strange.
Not quite what I expected.

Last night I was at her door
I was smoking the air
I was straining to pretend she stood there
Smiling in her fluffy blue dressing gown.

I laid down my roses
Wished that she’d see them
Wished that she knew I’d been there
Wished that she’d call me

But death is a strange friend
One who just whispers
Reminds you of truth
Shows you the futility of dreams.

So I kissed you on your forehead
The way I always used to do before
I stroked your nose & saw you smile
I never knew love could feel so good

& then a shadow you became
& i’m back here in my garden
My mind is tripping with illusions
A late night expedition to the old house of love

My dreams are that something new would occur
Something amazing would grip me by my heart
That she or you would come & hold my hand
That the dreams would come to fruition.

I’d like to experience something like that again
Something pulsing like fresh blood through my veins
I’d like this summer sun to witness romance
& paint the flowers which I see in shades of love.

So I’m not sure you see
Not sure what this day is I hold in my thoughts
& I’m tripping on illusions
& I’m wishing in the garden.

~ You know that I love her, but I want to experience this life.
© ed simkins

Tears into the Blood

Frightened sweat drips down. Her beautiful face smiles. Our Blood surrounds.

It’s a simple late night story. One of hate, of love, of you.

we sit in pools of red. our love spent. the fury gone. the knives retired. i love. you love you.

your kiss is sacred. smooth. gentle. soft. a delicate petal which shocks my lips. i need you!

we sit. arched backs redundant. filled with fear, spent with lust. desire burns you see. it screams!

can you see the tear i have from you? can i kiss the cheek you turn away?

how can i ache from the love that you give? or hate from the passion which you deny?

i don’t understand! & the blood runs thin.  droplets slow; the perfect form. pain.

the last kiss is beautiful. slow, moist lips, tenderly press. a smile forms. a sigh begins. our hands hold on. press against the naked flesh. deep breath attracts & the world stands back and looks.

the curve of your breasts, so sweet and firm. the shoulder you cry on, worn and true.

but you broke first. your tears told lies.

please let me kiss you again. i want to retake that dream. rebuild it and stand up!

god, please let us love. let us hold on.

let us!

LET US!.

but we sit there. our shame and our decay. our hopes broken. the walls deaf to our pleas. our home silent to the pain that flows through our blood to the floor. & we are stuck.

let me kiss you.

let me taste your tears.

please, come closer and hold me! & see that our strength is still here..

but just let me kiss you!

& place your hand in mine.

Please.

I love you.

(c) Ed Simkins

Death Of Love

Pictures and photos and bodies remain. the love of a life has gone.

the blood is dried and the knives are down. the fighting’s over.

I love you.

but you killed yourself.

& it never made sense to me.

I see you lying there. unclothed and perfect. smiling. laughing. giggling and teasing.

my tears fall.

for no longer are you there.  but memory falls. & memory cries.

no comfort. no ease. no joyous victory.

just death. & silence. & the unforgiving anger you left me with.

You’re a girl who lost herself & died.

& i ask you. who was it easier for?

Not i who remains to lay the petals down each night. Not i who sees the ghosts you leave behind.

I love you. I love you!!!!!

But silent hand has taken you. Your own life ended. & another day. no pain.

at least for you. at least for you.

& i look deeply, longingly into your vanished eyes & god i wish you were here!

i miss you!

…i miss you…

& my heart is heavy with the pain and the foolishness and the stupidity of someone who survives. of someone who dreams and longs and wants and breathes. & would i take your place?

How do I exist without you? Now that you lie within a bed of stone.

& i am sick of this!

& unlike you….it just wont go away.

my tears roll & the full moon stares back.

& it cares nothing for the end of love.

All Because I loved You

Have you heard I’m famous here for murdering a child and selling her for cash?

Have you heard the lies, or seen the house in which I burned and flickered in the night?

Did she tell you the truth to which she kept? The fallacy of her every word?

Her hand in mine was a gentle gift, one which the Lord did give to me.

Her pretty name was ‘Natasha’ but I shan’t tell you much more. Her story revels in words sold you see.

But we were in love you see. Til the day she was five when she stole the last of my hidden gems.

We used to play in the tree houses beyond and swim in the cool spring rivers downstate.

But tonight my house burns. Gentle flickers illuminate the haunted spray of stars

& the women outside pitch my walls in vile contempt – though they see no truth in love or vice.

I hold your tender picture as the flames lap spiritually around. As they spit and call my name.

My age is six, but they made me lie, & now they force me to sit and cry.

Mom and dad are far away & left to save their name.

So here I am alone again, thinking of the girl I love.

Burning.

Burning.

(c) Ed Simkins

Marvellous

to tear & laugh & lose your sense. to live a little & laugh at death.
to dream & wish & love & cry. to hold these things til time drifts by.
to hold on tight & anguish fall, to dream of hope, to stand up tall
to pray to god & all things great, to change oneself before death’s fate

(c) Ed Simkins

When I Saw Your Face

I wonder who you are.

I wonder how your eyes tell your stories as you look back into the mirror.

I wonder how you kiss and tell the world I love you – when all you do is kill and maim and hurt and cry.

& then I saw your face tonight – Your sacred showcase of human paradise.

Your curls and teeth and lines which break my heart.

& I see you smile.

I see you swim. in thought, in hope. in drowning waters which flow.

& I hold you down. & watch as the waters fill your mind.

Your kiss was immaculate & your tenderness was a golden lie. “I love you!” you’d say.

I saw your face tonight. in my mind, as I slipped under, chasing after you.

& i reached for you.

you screamed. you kicked. but you never came back.

Your eyes broke me. Your beauty of such richness was such that I cried in every moment in which I took my breath.

& You were all.  You were life. You were the desire I held inside.

& chased.

But again, i saw your face tonight.

& a single, incredible, beautiful, perfect tear flowed.

I cupped your cheek. I tasted your neck. I brushed your gentle hair and inhaled the nectar of your sweet perfume.

My legs shook & my heart faltered. & i stuttered out the words to say hello.

& you climbed into my bath. you turned the water on. & you held my hand.

We kissed

& I held you down.

(c) Ed Simkins

Girl of Atheneum

I held her down and made her smile.

Her fanciful expression danced around her wild face as she yelled my name.

She screamed for me to bite & in slow deliberation, I tasted flesh.

Then she paused in anguished delight and raised a smile & it was then that I fell in love.

This girl, this demon, this crazed desire had stood before me.

She had asked my name and searched my eyes.

She had turned the pages of the book that I was reading.

& She hummed and annoyed me as I wrote my name.

& oh lord, Oh Lord, you have sent an angel.

Her lips…!

Fluorescent invitations, nervous temples of sensual lust

I cannot refuse. & I cannot resist.

It was then, in that silent painful moment that she spoke. In garbled rhyme & hidden jest, but she spoke.

& she stole my heart. Sucked me in.

She is resting now on the ground beneath me. Her perfect naked legs caressing my eyes.

& She is everything to me. & God do I want her!

But the books are torn. & she’s crying

& On the final, twisted remains of a page forty-two

She has scrawled in lust her mind’s request

& I pause.

& I wander.

& I look down at her confused. & in love.

© Ed Simkins