Her body lies in deep recess beside me.
Silent stillness mocks her sight.
I love her skin.
White & smooth & freshly warm.
I cover her in love.
In kisses known to man of want.
& taste her blood.
That cuts will bleed & life will seep from passing gem to breeze & air.
I love my girl.
But none than secret spy will know of it or tell.
I love her so.
I loved so much that sacred walls would watch my violence, born of love, beguile & seduce & charm her smile
& lead her to the very floor
Where body forms my alter sown.
& her I love & worship girl of love.
I touch her skin.
Her curves of sin which turn me on & won me through.
Her happy face.
Her flesh of fire which led from neck of grace & naked throat
Towards the golden valley’s of her youth.
& tears flood the sacred mounds of this precious girl which lies in pose of wounded snake
I am hurt for her.
I ache upon this wondrous sight, this mask of beauty which takes me to another place.
I need for her.
I loved her.
That death could claim her for her own & steal her far from loving home.
I need her.
But life has ebbed & the nights are long.
I pray for you.
Wasted days or relaxing thoughts?
Screams of passion lead to naught
Taken far and slapped on face
Darkness over cemetery finds empty space
Grave held low & roses grow
Shaping shadows on those I know
Moments play & sounds escape
Crossing fields as hidden snake
Blood flows thin on stolen win
Whilst cold hand rests on old man’s chin
Take the time & let it roll
Time I say for midnight stroll
See the dead & hear them sing
Watch the movement of silent wing
Bird of prey and harvest moon
Frozen winds and coated tune
November rain or evening mist
Loveless lives & forgotten kiss
The pathway leads across the field
My body broken begins to yield
I’m sure soon that death will force
My mind to stop and then in course
Weep once more and shake in pain
As I remember hand in hand in lover’s lane
Beside her grave I lay down and weep
And feel my heart pulled down deep
To mix with dreams that I once knew
And mix with her and seep on through
In pain, in death, our lives will merge
And maybe then I’ll feel such surge
That stand and jump are actions made
By old man broken, who lies afraid
Perhaps one day in secret lips
A drink of life will soon be sipped
& dreams and hope and smiles be found
By passioned excitement in arms abound.
Allow death to ramble through your mind as she waits for sleep. Bring the poison closer & sink deeply into the pillows of your mind. Kisses exist no longer as the wound she leaves vents & stings.
Dreams end in failed toxic concoctions. Music no longer lifts but soils the white sheets you rest upon. The fun you had has disappeared within the swirling smoke of thought. I hate me.
Tired, tepid, late night lovers hold onto to strangles made in the cacophony of lust. Their sweat merged in pools of love upon the bed beside you. crawl down to the ends of time & bury your face from such torment. I’m sure love will grow again once more, though where & when & for whom I shall not know. Apologise & play the killer song again. Taste it.
Cold capsized my mind tonight. 2:17 and the world of dogs & hidden trees of fate hide themselves in shades of morning earth. I’m calling you because I’m lost. So lost. Can you aid or bathe the wounds with which I find? I’m aching for an escape from the monsters within my mind, for none will leave no matter how far I run..
& the silence is loud. I’m hurting. My eyes burn with revulsion & the mirrors with which I once showed the female race the beauty of their god is now redundant in dust & cracked shards of memory. I’m no longer what I used to be. Child is dead. The body rots. The mind is veiled & the thoughts echo to the bells of ageing pain.
Only the knife in my head remains as my friend. Her crimson tide kisses my skin & pours it’s scorn upon my time. I’m hurting bad, but soon this world will close it’s lips & laugh at me no more. Soon I will need no more remembrance of the deeds of god. Of when I was king & ruled this hallowed land. I whisper goodbye.
& feel my river red ebb. Pulsate & flow.
Tears merge with blood & the night consumes.
Eats me whole.
Kiss her lips my friend.
Kiss them as darkness falls & the grey clouds shimmer.
Fear falls in lonesome forests known.
She cries that single tear which cuts through hearts of hope.
& I’m tired of sending lines which fail to form.
Her silence grinds against my wanton heart & sinks.
Memory of a girl I used to love in summer’s daze flitters through my restless mind.
& I burn my tongue in screams of teenage angst.
A dying man sits in weakened stance, broken bones collapse beneath the ageing wait.
I say her name.
I repeat & hear the howl of wolves within this wicked wood & cry.
How that love so true & strong can bend & break like a rusted chain?
& on this deep & dark & dampened floor of wild distress I shake in fear.
She walks away & leaves me dead, inert, no hope, forgotten breed.
& stars watch in questioned poise as love retreats.
Alone once more, a thought lost in the darkness of space & ocean deep.
Waves of grief rush through the frozen mist & sting my bones.
I loved her so, but love has left & aching senses echo with dull defeat.
She was eighteen when we fell in love.
Engaged by twenty
Married twenty two.
Life existed in a fantasy bottle of fizzy pop and our dreams were real.
We had no plans.
No need for purpose.
We just ran our naked way down the road of life and caught as many clichés as we could along the way:
We sang in baths, we roamed in fields,
We danced at night, we loved each morning.
& the neighbours wished us well for our star-born fun.
She laughed and cried, for this was love.
At twenty-nine she died one night.
She walked outside to smoke and cancer grew
A fate we feared but never knew.
Heartache broke when the coffin lay
& the roses red; they piled up.
Her family cried, mine moved away
& the tombstone grief was all I knew.
The rainbows fell and the clouds grew dark
Tears would rain each Sunday night.
& solemn doom would fill the cave
How could anyone carry on when life itself was dead?
But now it’s past just midnight dark
& I’m wanting love,
or at least a hug
& the lights are out and the music’s soft
Ephemeral thoughts still plague the mind.
& the notion of this girl I know, it pulls me down.
For I see the past in every move she makes
& I wonder what my love of old would make of this.
But I’m too scared to try
Too scared to speak.
A tear falls and the day fades out.
I miss my wife.
I miss her kiss.
I can’t believe in God; He doesn’t seem to exist.
Maybe one day a stranger will scream and shout
& grab my hand and sing and drag me out
But with you & dreams I’ll hide in here.
Filled with warmth and safety now
A mind of doubt
& waves of fear.
Welcome to the home of the most hated man.
A man who disgusts even himself
& I am that man.
Ugly and foolish, pathetic and weak.
A man who can loves
But witness death in his soul.
Dreams that once blossom cry in the garden
Rain that is pouring
Is years as his driving.
A disaster this evening
Tragic and dull
Woman of beauty
Threatened to kill.
Sunken and discarded
Broken and dead
Rejected like a dumb-ass
Failed in the art.
Blood on his lone wrist
Cut by the knife which wounds as he speaks
Little does she see him
As they dance in the air
What happened to the smiles which protruded and soar?
What happened to the banter that spread into joy?
What happened to promise & desire
& those blissful eyes which gazed into mine?
Suddenly I’m shot,
I’m drowning or I’m cut
Thrown to the wolves like a carcass of distress
All in a word? Or was it a phrase?
I have no idea what happened but I suffer the fall
Glory all gone, dreams lie shattered
Tears in her eyes
Frustration in mine.
The darkness is falling
& the time it gets late
Hence I sit here broken
The famed man of hate.
Frustrated tears grace her cheeks
I see them fall & join.
Her heartache erupts in broken sighs
As she collapses in tortured shakes
& shoulders weep.
I burn inside.
No idea of how to save this child who cries.
I ache & crash as angel calls.
I surrender to fear, inside I’m small.
I love my girl.
But I cannot reach.
I’m cut off & scared
& been pushed away.
Her shattered face speaks of loss
& beauty blooms in watered rolls.
& I’m standing there.
Rooted to the spot insane.
My soul surrounds, I’m keeping her close
I’m telling her it’s fine, that’s she everything known.
But I’m silent.
& the earthquake is great.
The bridges tear
I gaze at her wonder, at the beauty of her form
I’m desperate for her smile
For this fire to burn out.
For her to hit me or kill me
Scream or please shout.
But she stands there & she’s drowning
& her tears break into flood.
I’m rooted & I’m weak & I’m losing my love.
Her image fades fast & she’s moving from view
Soon she is walking & the distance benign
Now but a ghost
& lost deep in time.
I still hear the echoes, & the pain in her voice
Lost to the grave
Lost without choice.