At 9:33 & I’m still in Bed

After pleasant dreams & frugal sleep,
I awake & I cannot move!
I see her again & I know I’m obsessed!
This one girl who controls my dreaming mind,
I roll over in bed & with my mind’s illusion,
I see her!
I see her!
Her face do I see!
My bed is my jail & there’s much space inside,
In here she is smiling, & the blanket around.
Pulled up to her gaze & the blueness surrounds.
She laughs & she giggles & I fall ever deeper.
Yet there’s no need for a kiss, for a word she will say,
A secret we share, in a tease that she plays.
& in that moment I love, & with friction & deed,
I hold her & pull her & embrace her with love.
My darling sweet dream, my fanfared fantasy,
I want to smoother you in affection & hold you again!
I want my hands holding yours & your face all embarrassed,
I want you to sigh & declare, I want you to giggle & laugh.
& that neck & your cheek & your frivolous lips,
Would I worship with mine; & to feel you inside!
We would spend in these moments, those heartbeats of hope,
Such fun would we have in the play that we share!
Girl I think so much about you that my eyes now possess,
The body you stretch & the breasts which you hide,
& the beauty of your face & the joys of your mind,
I cannot escape this obsession that rules within me,
This simple crazed mind which dreams daily of thee,
I want you! I want you! Dear God, let her know!
This sweet feeling she gives me,
This life force that flows!

~ On awaking my mind was dreaming & thinking & obsessing about the girl I cannot tell.

(c) Ed Simkins

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The three daughters of God

Number one was the girl in the pink bikini. a delicious little swimmer in her first flush of love.

she smiled and cried as i kissed her lips. i couldn’t help but hold her down.

she teased me with her wriggling hair. wet & long & her legs so slim.

the thinnest bands of marshmallow pink. a tiny ribbon that fluttered by her side.

& her eyes and smiles – such sweet perfection! she swam to me and her arms flowed round.

such were nimble dreams and sweet innocence.

Number two was god; she knew my name. i kissed her skin and i wished she knew how much i loved her.

she told me of her news & my tears fell. she’s leaving soon for my fate is ill.

her tender breasts and perfect hair, her painted feet and ad hoc nails; she makes me laugh.

she turns me over and breaks my heart. a rolling mess of desire. i long for her.

i wish to taste a strong embrace, i’d keep her happy if she only knew.

but lines are drawn and the words are wrong. one minute i’m king, the next i’m not.

& Number 3 is the girl who killed. the girl who fled. the one who banished life and slit her wrists.

whether the darkness takes over, i cannot tell, but the car is packed and these streets may pass.

i will stand at her door and worship god. the way he hates, the way he tears this man apart.

i will kiss her as she sleeps, as i always do. & wish that she were mine this night.

such are the dreams i hold on this Valentines day.

.

~ the three most important girls in my life

(c) Ed Simkins

one day in seven

from plus to minus i let the words roll out, an uninhibited politician who cannot lie.

i joke around & fear controls.

it is not the falsehoods i hide but truth & honesty. for you would kill me if you knew.

i look to her for integrity, a generous lady with wealth & love

i look to him, my friend, for support & sanity.

my sister laughs & rolls her eyes

my friends they shoot the breeze & tear themselves away, my mind its free in select & chosen groups.

but this secret i cannot, will not tell. vote for me i’ll say & i will burn you alive.

cause yes, i’m the top notch MP. but fuck that you’d say!

my girl stands before & my eyes reveal the embarrassment of it all

of how i want & how i need. of all desires to hold you there.

you should see me when we talk, & i wonder if she knows, i want to ask,

do you see me worshiping lips that i’ll never touch,

your skin that i cannot enjoy or stroke

or my gaze that roams across your fine female body,

do you know i ache for you & that i am scared? that i’m afraid to tell!

can you see how i fail to control myself, that i stutter in your very presence?

but maybe i am the devil’s son & these lies i tell for you.

to hide, to protect you from the truth.

that this man before you worships you.

that i cannot stand the distance that you run.

but that i cannot stand not losing you at all.

if only a god would help.

~ when desire is not allowed to love

(c) Ed Simkins