Sat Beside

I cant resist
I had to see her.
I had to glide around & around the crowd to look unconcerned
Just to see her.

& once the random acts of kindness were perceived by all I rested upon the chair beside her.
& said nothing.
For she knew I was there.
& she smiled.

As she spoke in soft pleasurable tones, her words tickling the world with delight
I gazed upon the beauty of her face.
An artist with his gentle muse
& she smiled.

I drifted blissfully, her perfect face my ocean for the day.
Freckled pools & white reflections
Lips of youth & graceful hair
My eyes skipped across her soft serenity.
& I smiled.

I leant in. To breath her in, absorb her very being. To taste the sweet scent of love.
Heady with desire I paused to kiss her soft fresh skin
My eyes studying every mark, every pore, every whimsy of her perfect face.
Every curve perceived with majesty & beauty.
I caressed her chin & smiled.

In moments of crazy conversation & horrid crowds, I held her gaze.
Flirting wildly, she became my pet.
A kitten reaching out and jesting against the cotton ball, she played against my face with such sweet tenderness.
& proximity & desire drew us ever in.

Oh sweet Lord, my unfaithful & most dishonest friend, I love her.
That all these ghosts which surround & with wrathe conspire,
Let me hold my darling close upon my heart-felt need.
For she smiles with the glimmer of the midday sun,

& I leave a kiss with finger reached & stroke the gentle arc of nose & chin.
I wish her well & thank her for her human smiles.
Misery consumes when the love I seek departs
& again I sit alone & dream of her.

– Moments with my love
© ed simkins 2016

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Hidden Games.

Fragile bones and purity, yearning under clothes
Dreams of passion, thorns & a rose.
Crimson t-shirt is worn, hidden white skin
Searching inlets towards, finding secret ways in.

She stands there before me, silent & still
Carrying notice of her determined innocent strong will.
I long to hold her, such is the greed
Hunger my soul mate, my angel my need.

I bite with my talons, I pull and I bend her
Tie her to my passion, touch with a feather.
Entrap & surround her, hand on her waist
Courting with desperation, seeking her face.

Straight lipped & she’s gazing, off to the side
Searching, no doubt, for a den & to hide.
I grasp & I clamp her, reigning her in
Pressing against her with the love of my sin.

She succumbs & she wriggles, she aches & she groans,
Faking her pleasure to the disgust of my moans.
Time out is called & the masks go back on
Saying goodbye til the faces have gone.

Waving her off with a smile & a wink
I worry if I affect the way that she thinks.
I seek only love & I worship her face
But the deeds which I show seem so out of place.

Though tomorrow will come & I’ll scream out her name
Command her through fear with more of the same.
But I’ll do it with love, though the outcome remains
Girl who he loves, & Boy who’s insane.

– a confused relationship
© ed simkins 2016

In That Moment

i touched her.

Had to.
Needed to.
Wanted to.

i wished she wanted me to.

i convinced myself.

i ignored myself.

i held her.

So sweetly I looked at her.
Gazed at her.
Dreamt of her.

i wanted to kiss her.

Her skin is so inviting.
So smooth.
So pale.
Pure.

& her eyes engage me.
Captivate me.
Lure me.
Tease me.

i caress her.

She ignores me.
i question myself.
But still I caress her.

& i’m lost.

– dreams blur my reality.
© ed simkins 2016

My Cemetery Walk

Wasted days or relaxing thoughts?
Screams of passion lead to naught
Taken far and slapped on face
Darkness over cemetery finds empty space
Grave held low & roses grow
Shaping shadows on those I know
Moments play & sounds escape
Crossing fields as hidden snake
Blood flows thin on stolen win
Whilst cold hand rests on old man’s chin
Take the time & let it roll
Time I say for midnight stroll
See the dead & hear them sing
Watch the movement of silent wing
Bird of prey and harvest moon
Frozen winds and coated tune
November rain or evening mist
Loveless lives & forgotten kiss
The pathway leads across the field
My body broken begins to yield
I’m sure soon that death will force
My mind to stop and then in course
Weep once more and shake in pain
As I remember hand in hand in lover’s lane
Beside her grave I lay down and weep
And feel my heart pulled down deep
To mix with dreams that I once knew
And mix with her and seep on through
In pain, in death, our lives will merge
And maybe then I’ll feel such surge
That stand and jump are actions made
By old man broken, who lies afraid
Perhaps one day in secret lips
A drink of life will soon be sipped
& dreams and hope and smiles be found
By passioned excitement in arms abound.

~ silly dreams within my mind as I walk through the cemetery
© ed simkins

In Speaking

There she is my friends,
My sweet angel of smiles & salutations.
My pretty little heartbreaker,
My Athena of the night!

Dreams are filled with pretence & sighs as she snuggles closely to my wanton skin
My head filled with desire
My heart with fire
& my soul with wise words of caution & delight.

She smiles in her talk, as her words of wonder wrap themselves tightly around me
I’m in heaven!

I love watching her form her speech. The pressure of her lips, the show of white teeth.
She appeals to me. Kind, over familiar ideas gush through the ether between her & I find myself agreeing with everything she says.
I cant help but douse myself in everything she is.

I want to kiss her.
I want to impress.
I want her to turn around & laugh & sing & dance & hold my hand & look me in the eye
& smile.

& she just stands there in earnest appeal.
That face!
That delicate, innocent, sweet, sensational face which drives me mad!
Let me hold you.
& tell you of the dreams I surround you with.

I bid you.

~ even in distance she drives me nuts! 😛
© ed simkins 2015

Photographs

Apparition smiled, a falling child
Killed lonely man, sent no smile
Dreams of yesteryear fraught with pain
Hopes all dashed, my life insane.

Stillness purveys, over yonder field
At hidden depths of dusty, broken shield.
Silent tears fall, their coldness screams
Of broken words & long lost means.

If I could save the life once led
Then ghosts would leave from distraught head
Pain would end in stolen nights
& rainbow colours would hence be light.

But papyrus dreams of a beauteous form
Who stole my heart & broke the norm
She danced in playful travelled gifts
Until her halo began to shift.

She glides each day & stalks my land
& in her death she holds my hand
She looks to me & reminds me so
Of how I miss her inner glow.

But death is close & ghosts are cruel
For in midnight hours they will rule
They’ll shadow you & break you down
From lion’s heart to royal crown.

& so I lie amidst her lies
As tears stream in vast goodbye
Broken tiredness & sleep deprived
Her ghost beside & both we cried.

Blackness, fright & dark decay
Fill these words with which I say
My love I kiss a thousand times
Your love is lost, I cannot find.

~ I saw your picture today & it cut me deep.
© ed simkins

Words Not told for you.

Allow death to ramble through your mind as she waits for sleep. Bring the poison closer & sink deeply into the pillows of your mind. Kisses exist no longer as the wound she leaves vents & stings.
Dreams end in failed toxic concoctions. Music no longer lifts but soils the white sheets you rest upon. The fun you had has disappeared within the swirling smoke of thought. I hate me.

Tired, tepid, late night lovers hold onto to strangles made in the cacophony of lust. Their sweat merged in pools of love upon the bed beside you. crawl down to the ends of time & bury your face from such torment. I’m sure love will grow again once more, though where & when & for whom I shall not know. Apologise & play the killer song again. Taste it.

Cold capsized my mind tonight. 2:17 and the world of dogs & hidden trees of fate hide themselves in shades of morning earth. I’m calling you because I’m lost. So lost. Can you aid or bathe the wounds with which I find? I’m aching for an escape from the monsters within my mind, for none will leave no matter how far I run..

& the silence is loud. I’m hurting. My eyes burn with revulsion & the mirrors with which I once showed the female race the beauty of their god is now redundant in dust & cracked shards of memory. I’m no longer what I used to be. Child is dead. The body rots. The mind is veiled & the thoughts echo to the bells of ageing pain.

Only the knife in my head remains as my friend. Her crimson tide kisses my skin & pours it’s scorn upon my time. I’m hurting bad, but soon this world will close it’s lips & laugh at me no more. Soon I will need no more remembrance of the deeds of god. Of when I was king & ruled this hallowed land. I whisper goodbye.

& feel my river red ebb. Pulsate & flow.

Tears merge with blood & the night consumes.
Eats me whole.

I’m sorry.

~ now 02:46 & the night is long & endless.
© ed simkins 2015

Crazy for you.

Undress for me.
Stand and shiver in darkened light.
I long for thee.
For single word you spoke tonight.

I yearn for you.
Your cherished face which I adore.
Aching, smiling, wanting you.
Now without, in need of more.

I long for you.
A sweet delicious, smiling thrill
In awe of you.
That God were real, then I would kill.

Your braided hair
Your soft delights
Your Nervous neck
So Virgin white.

& your beaming face
Which strikes my heart
Lost in space
& now departs.

My secrets told
In honest signs,
But My heart is bold
In these written lines.

That you were stood so close & near
Knowing of no midnight fear
Then hands of mine would tender be
& kiss your skin, so longingly.

& your cheeks of rosey simplicity
Would smile with touch & honesty
For child, or girl, or woman known,
For you my love, my heart has grown.

~ for you. the girl of my dreams.
© ed simkins 2015

Come Sit With Me.

Take the powder out of your mouth.
Let the crimson tide flow deeply down your veins.
Rest still deep within the comfort of your cherished chair & drift.
Float.
Fall away like autumn leaves upon the cold winds of time.

Believe the dreams my friend & gather in the dust of thought.
Ask yourself the darkest question.
Is death a friend? Will it hurt?
Will nature chase your haunted mind until it screams?

& spot the girl.
The angel of your destiny.
The fraudulent one.
Watch her beckon you in with whispers of beckoning pleasure.
But realise all angels lie & disdain the truth.
Are you still numb with the ecstasy of the burning numbness held within?

Now gaze upon the mirror my friend.
Glare back at the tears you stream towards the level of hell.
Is that where you wish to end or sink?
Is life that bad that all you see are the roses which grow over you?
Are you weak or just subsumed in the tiredness of eternal exhaustion?
So many questions asked I feel you spin.

So come sit with me & let the rhythms flow.
Taste the wine or magic seed escape your self.
Breathe out, exhale & let your soul drift & seek the source of your belief.
Feel the passion of her innocence, the stories of your next day forth.
Cry & shudder & start again.
Kiss the world & then forget.

Tomorrow starts here in your powdered mind.

~ thoughtful dreams as i sit before you, the world
(c) ed simkins 2015

Sleep Request

blankets of illusion climb upon my face
I’m lost to the destiny of today.
Dreams percolate thoughts of fatigue
If I could escape I’d try.

Soft hand request
A distant want through pain.
I’m ill & sick & the walkers pass
Hurling obscenities on the streets below.

A simple note I leave upon my door
‘find me – but only if you wish to witness death’
& I writhe below the terror of my escapade.
Sleep is a closing friend.

Searing levels of frustration & nightmarish angst cross my brow.
I care little now for your response or avid need.
Stumble up the stairs well known
& drift through books of the fallen dead.

Eyes burning, yearning, tears fill these poisoned voids.
I look no more in your direction nor call.
Flowers pray in coloured smiles
Forest angel claims no more.

Girl stands upon my feet & stares,
Asks my name in perfect solitude, no voice.
I kiss her sweetly, caress her cheek
& vomit forth the deed of sleep.