Silence In Longing.

Her shadow ran to me today.
An air of delight upon her youthful face appealed to my loneliness.
I longed to kiss her but the air felt damp as the morning mist fell down.

Illusions danced upon the retinas of my eyes
She flicked her hair & caused my heart to stir
My eyes leaked a hopeless tear.

Emptiness struck the barren ground with fear.
With dark dungeons of longing I stood alone.
The air was silent & cold.

Always tomorrow I pleaded. The clouds rolling by agreed.
They sensed my loss.
They begged for hope.

Maybe she’ll be there. Maybe.
& I’ll see her turn the corner & my face will light with a thousand fires of desire
& the happiness of a boy in love for the very first time.

She’ll smile in bright anticipation & beautiful recognition.
& the world will find its song & the sun will shine once more in urgent clichéd sweet affection.
& I will smile.

– unwell, my love remained unseen today.
© ed simkins 2016

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As I sit by my window

I wonder if life knows of itself
If its able to scream with joy or sing in love.
I wonder if children know of the pain
Of growing old and seeing death smile.

I look around my home and see the stories of the past
The tales of the fights, the glory of the hugs
The tickles, the dreams, the shadows, the lies
& all those corners of secret veiled winks & nods.

I jest now. I’m pondering too much.
I sat here reflecting before I run naked into the garden of life.
& it scares me, there’s much to be suffered.
The thoughts & deeds of those who hate & bleed.

I wonder if life sits in the flowers, the red & the yellow
The bluebells, the snowdrops, the pansies, the clover
I wonder if the forest of life would welcome a new child still
Innocent as the day I was born ten thousand years ago.

& still. Still I dream.
Of holding her, goddess of smiles,
Just sitting there, basking in the sunlight
Admiring the beauty of a face so fine.

Maybe I’m in love, but just with the dream.
Maybe I’m fed up of the fallacy of truth.
Maybe I want to kiss and caress the cheek of youth
But I know the pain & truth of chasing hope.

I wonder if life will love itself one day
Make love to each human, each creature in the sea
Give a chance of success to the hearts of each being
& set nature back on it’s course of true wonder.

~ just waking up & looking out over life
© ed Simkins

Giving Up.

She walked around naked today, but I didn’t care.
I was wrapped up in the deficiencies of my mind.
Her false glasses and beautiful blonde hair aroused an ego far from truth
but the telephone call lied to me, I dropped her hat & smiled & walked away.
I’ve gone past caring for the considerations of others. They don’t exist!

Girl with wet hair stood & smiled. A shower room full of fantasies & wet thoughts.
But I just threw her a towel around you see. My mind is now divided by bitter recriminations!
The fallacy of the female form. A perfect dream. A dangerous liaison.
Her perfect face reminded me off a Bavarian hegemony
With her white little collar & her soft faded freckles.
I kissed her once & made her bleed, but lies were told & her manners jaded
I knew it was time to walk away. Seems all dreams break in crystal shreds.

& two girls loved, made out on a soft oval bed, sighs were passioned & the action was hot
But the night was too long & the practice bored, who was it really that imagined it all?
No-one kissed & all was fake, a woman’s heart is stone for lies.
Escape to gardens bright in flowered flesh.

I found myself in a bright sun lit, trying hard to cleanse my soul
Screams from across the world & painful sin, made life hard to live at all
But the sun warms hope in a battered man, always wanting, bleeding dry
I sit by river, lake or silent sea, a tranquil seat of clouds & dreams
The past is dead, though the stone will stay, no present seen & future gone
Here the distance merges fate with time & me, In point I stop the bloody fight,
I cease the pain, I aim to sit, here in perpetual, momentary, empty bliss.

~too much time in life spent in fight. Tonight I surrender. Or escape.
© ed simkins

An Evening Thought To You

Allow the grey slumber of silence to draw you in.
Dreams of purple velvet cover you in thoughts.
Stillness cries but debate on moon
For love & sex & stolen lies.

I’m lost with you
A crazed secret adventure of the mind.
In the mind.
Where no-one sees but the perils of you & I.

My mind is flying, you release the hook
Balloons of freedom escape into open sky.
You hold the hugs that I enjoy
Summer colours fill the air with love.

Illusion told to me of fatal death
I wish to hide beneath this water flow.
I look at you & dream & fantasise of thee
Angel’s skin, allured, warm.

I care for nothing, I hold no chemistry of love
I give no deeds or more than smiles worn.
I cry in sleep for painful past
Where bride who died now drinks the earth.

I seek a passion lost & worse
Though rainbows only know of secret cave.
You, a hidden gem outside
Face unknown in a world of souls.

Perhaps you exist, though I’m not sure how
As evening trees sing the shadow dark.
I question god for you my friend
But his silence holds my tongue to wait.

Dreams! So many dreams have I held
That time will die before I find the one.
Creature of a certain age & fine position
I doubt no more persists in love.

I sleep once more in room of dusk
Where scarlet blankets hold on me
Breathing dark & shallow mist
I create this world for you my love.

If ever that I met you then or soon
My heart will flow with joy & talk
& lover’s night shall nightly be
A place where I’ll reside with thee.

~ a hopeful whim, a musing ode, a broken dream repeats.
© ed simkins

Awoken by dreams.

My bed aches in misery. Fact.
A frozen blanket of time & memory.
Filled with dreams from old.

Thoughts that capture you.
I hate you.
You left me scared & broken.

Your memory stood there this morning.
A vengeful palace of words so stern.
Vivid dream that bit. & cut eternal deep.

I’m angry.
& I despise you for the details you provide.
Standing there accusing me. How dare you.

You told them lies.
Strangers that I never knew; your family of fear & daily deceit.
You told them lies. & broke me with their hate.

How could you lure me last night?
How could you stand there naked? Make me dream of your flesh that burns.
Smooth & still & screaming seduction. Always bribing.

Tonight I’m sick. & I don’t expect you to care. I know your thoughts.
You appear in dreams & wake me up in sweat so cold & full of crisp disdain.
Then stir my passion with love & hate.

I’m sick inside. Never healed. Never known sweet freedom from you.
The cuts you stroke are deep & sore. A mad memento of love so called.
You stole so many things but the empty shell you left behind.

I’ll curl up in my bed tonight. Stretch out a hand and miss you there.
I’ll pretend no fear & hide beside, an empty space where tears were cried in hopeless desire & love inspired.
I’ll watch your face, your silent sleep & breathe.

& The light will fade, the shadows recline.
Darkness consume & the night will pass.
Maybe tomorrow in the fresh morning sun, a new hand will hold me close.

~ this morning’s vivid dream shook my soul. I Awoke to anger & frustration.
© ed simkins

Girl not there.

Window reflects a waiting man,
With collar tight & hat pulled down.
The wind is up & the rain falls fast,
A heavy heart & nervous cast.
Lady vanished or not to face,
As Man stares glumly out at space.
In minutes past his life has changed,
The woman loved has left today.
He waits for bus, he waits for cars,
But puddles rise in waves of stars.
Sunken feeling as lover’s part,
His beauty elsewhere, plays no part.
His clothes soak through & night time calls,
As Moon ascends & Sunday falls.
He‘d hoped to win her through & more,
To see her smile & see love soar.
To dance with her & ask her out,
To tell her feelings or maybe shout.
For as you know, Man’s heart is true,
But broken now, in black & blue,
A simple dream he seeks to own,
To watch in arms desire grown.
But fate has come & intervened,
With sadness found; Shakespearean scene.
Where Romeo finds his princess dead
& lets these things mess with worried head,
& so to cave the man returns,
Writing of a love that burns.
He sits on down & music plays,
In repetition, pain delayed.
False hope my friends bares man no scars,
But bows its head to evening stars.
Tomorrow soon, perhaps he’ll ask,
& find himself in love’s true task,
Man may try, when eyes will see,
Her pretty face, her smiling glee.
& look upon the charms of missing girl,
& discover then, if love unfurls.
Til then He hides & plans his dreams,
Perhaps tomorrow in love He’ll be.

~ No sign of her, but the butterflies persist.

© Ed Simkins

Marvellous

to tear & laugh & lose your sense. to live a little & laugh at death.
to dream & wish & love & cry. to hold these things til time drifts by.
to hold on tight & anguish fall, to dream of hope, to stand up tall
to pray to god & all things great, to change oneself before death’s fate

(c) Ed Simkins

2 Identities

“I love you.”   & a ridiculous joke is born!

for she stands there tall & distant with her perfect face & broken heart.

as ageing boy lost in empty cave admits defeat.

& watches waters flood the fields around.

Here he burns his eyes in weary night.

& again she walks.

from here to there & always past. her perfect illusion grand & strong.

& there he lies. with an open door unhinged. a draft of winter sailing by.

proud, her picture hangs in temple built. though letter sent remains untouched by precious hate.

i question why.

but she does not read.  she does not kiss. she does not even know that man exists.

that candle in his cave holds flame. an orange glow which talks alone.

a memory. a dream. a face of fantasy, she projects delight upon his thirsting lips…

but kills.

& aches. & hurts. & pains.

& i promise he writes not to record a weary death to you my friends, to you who pass by easily

but to tell to her one day that love stays strong. despite the weakness of this dying man.

& a dream he holds to meet with her. to bring her back to sense & love.

to grant to her the kingdom won & all the rights that she once held.

for I know that he would ride with her across this land & defeat this world at large.

but yet, she seems ignorant of him.

that life has given her to, it seems…to drown…in confusion…in swamps of thought. in human excess & childish distraction.

indeed I question if her fatal choice is but her own.

& so,

a million times i scream at her, each time these words disowned.

she ridicules.

she hides in jest. & fears. or worse….allows her dreams with others merged.

those not of sane impression or deserved attention. those I hate & burn me whole.

& so,

I watch her walk. & love. & create a world not mine.

& construct ever larger, ever higher, ever more impossible fences for me to breach, a fence of hate around her self.

& thus, with another night’s defeat & hope, i look at her again.

& ask of prince’s prayer, that love, that futile goal, shall…?

shall tender lay my lips…& dreams…& merry thoughts

upon her fragile heart.

© Ed Simkins

Playing with the Pain

i didn’t want to talk about death and the end of time.

i wanted love and sex and rapturous applause.

but all this bullshit & anger that she held inside

has just erupted at me like a ten ton truck of violent noise.

& i am tired of the battles & solemn with the grief

i am trying to escape & feed my self

but the windows are broken & there’s glass underneath

and the rooms are empty & the mood is grey.

for she’s left blood in my face & a deep wound in my core

& i’m telling you now, i can’t take anymore!

I have huddled in corners & lost my mind.

I have walked the streets in paine & cried cold rivers

I have talked to the dead & made many friends

I’ve considered my demise, drowning or scissors

& all this because of a girl I once knew

a morning beauty who made it hard for me to breath

a girl who i considered was the perfect idea

a girl who knocked me down & sought to leave

but i don’t want to talk about death and the end of time.

i just want to play with your beauty, entertain you with rhyme.

tis but a simple escape.