Headache Visions.

i imagine you.
alone.
Asleep.
I’m ill.

You’re soft white skin
Illuminates
A star.
I’m sick.

Approaching.
Perfume, fragrance smelt.
Eyes to darkness adjust.
I gaze in wonder known.

Pause.
A sweet & gentle dream fulfills my mind.
Rosy cheeks & perfect look.
A tear falls. I do not touch.

Pause.
& Breathing meditative.
I love you.
& Your naked body sleeps.

Lips glisten.
Smiling hair of joy.
I caress your cheeks.
A petal kiss.

~ awakening from a heavy summer sleep, i dream of you. I wish to touch but can’t.
(c) ed simkins

Escape From Lust

In dreams which seduce & bleed the mind
& darkness from within the hours of day.
A child grooms her long fine hair
Seductive pose in mirrored lair
Our broken hero trundles down
the corridor in blinkered step
Sees illusions born of youthful want
Will he pounce upon the maiden known?
Or curve around the fearful corner stone?

Hidden in caves of solemn terror
the man he cries in lonesome deed
Scratching walls with fumbled lust
Nails well bitten & lungs versed in terrored scream
He stands erect in broken thoughts
Tights or legs or skirts of fun
Each delusion plays upon his fate
As wandering wishes delicately hate
A room locked of sinful passion kept
Eyes prowl through painful past
& take hold of soiled dreams, frozen cast

The girl, if demon child of love is known,
Smiles & portrays such wistful play
Lies & turns & escaped half-truths
As gritful shields protect her form
She sits alone in witches curse
Nursing work laid in blackened tones
Her eyes flicker flames of hellish heat
Luring me to death & crumbled feet
But such was the strength of brave lonewolf
That cave of light was a better choice
For though his inner blade of knife
Would in ample times have sliced
& cut & bit & bled her dry
& left her gasping with a morning sigh
He knew, as heroes often do,
That escape was & is a better choice

& there within the darkened room
His thoughts & mind breathed new relief
For though he sought & would, I’m sure, have delighted been
In maiden’s neck & fallacy
His sanity was then complete
With life & heaven & sanctity
But pray now tell the moral of this story told
I say on that avoid the beauty of a woman known
& life will safely gather round your mind
& gather forth
a happier time.

~ on escaping the beauty of an illusion known
© ed simkins

Perpetual Dreams Of You

You weren’t there beside me last night.
My bed of creeping thoughts was happy but devoid.
I was dreaming of you as I slunk into sleep
Dreaming that I held you, caressing your soft skin.

God, that I could kiss you!
& make everything so perfect!
I would hold you so closely
& love you so deeply & true

It’s not fair that I can’t & that’s something that bugs me
That dreams are created in the factory of my mind
& then here in the realities of my dull pained existence
You are but an illusion which cries here before me.

You climb into my arms and tell me to love well
You want my arms tight around you, protection from the nightmares
Wanting me to kiss you, look in your eyes & smile
& then safely, let you slumber through the stars which take you far from me.

I wish I didn’t love you sometimes
For the pain that you throw me
Scars this heart & this mind which betrays me
With tears of the blood which cuts with your tongue

You never need me for me
Never see me for someone separate
I’m just a ghost which you talk to or need
When you’re alone in the dark.

I’m a fool for you, my child,
I’m a guy who seeks your desire
I’m succumbed by biology
To make love & protect you.

& then when you smile & the sun fires high in the sky
God, I’m a loser, lost to your whim.
I crawl on my knees
To betray my own mind to please you.

Addicted to love, or the kiss of your lips
I’ll sit here for hours, just biding my time
Waiting for you to come over
& snuggle up besides me for warmth

Life would be easier if dreams didn’t exist
To tease & to hate me, to jest or disturb
But like the male which I am
I’m seduced by the dream

But for now, I will escape to a place where illusions can’t follow me
The gym or the garden, or some foreign land of war
& try hard to forget you, until a silent thought crawls through my mind
& the fantasies of You, begin once again.

~ summer sun in the morning sets me off dreaming about You.
© ed simkins

Tripping on illusions

I’m not sure.
It’s all bizarre.
Maybe I’m dead.
Or lost.

The sun’s out.
The clouds are rolling.
Things just seem strange.
Not quite what I expected.

Last night I was at her door
I was smoking the air
I was straining to pretend she stood there
Smiling in her fluffy blue dressing gown.

I laid down my roses
Wished that she’d see them
Wished that she knew I’d been there
Wished that she’d call me

But death is a strange friend
One who just whispers
Reminds you of truth
Shows you the futility of dreams.

So I kissed you on your forehead
The way I always used to do before
I stroked your nose & saw you smile
I never knew love could feel so good

& then a shadow you became
& i’m back here in my garden
My mind is tripping with illusions
A late night expedition to the old house of love

My dreams are that something new would occur
Something amazing would grip me by my heart
That she or you would come & hold my hand
That the dreams would come to fruition.

I’d like to experience something like that again
Something pulsing like fresh blood through my veins
I’d like this summer sun to witness romance
& paint the flowers which I see in shades of love.

So I’m not sure you see
Not sure what this day is I hold in my thoughts
& I’m tripping on illusions
& I’m wishing in the garden.

~ You know that I love her, but I want to experience this life.
© ed simkins

Pilgrimage

I went to the cemetery today.
& I stood at her closed door.
I dreamt of how she used to stand there smiling.
I fell in love once more.

I cried a thousand tears
& dreamt she loved me once again
& hoped that she had room for me
From the cold & freezing rain.

Illusions are a-plenty now
When death it holds her deep
I call out her name in pain
And stand there & I weep.

I wish that she were real again,
& she’d walk my earth tonight
I’d love my bride so passionately
& I’d hold her oh so tight.

Love, it is a knife wound
Cutting through my thoughts
Forcing me to ask her
If I’ll get what I have sought.

She, my precious dream so dear
Lies there under flowers
Not caring or a-knowing
That my tears flow for hours

I leave a postcard on her stone
& roses of love I kiss for her
I stumble to my knees in grief
& wish we could confer

I’d ask her if she’d marry me
I’d ask her for my child
I’d ask for her to stay with me
So that I could see her smile.

My broken heart remembers her
Her face & beauty glowed
The warm & crazy ways she played
Her conversations flowed

If I could save the dead I would
& make a kingdom out of loving
& all these late nightmares held
Would instead be rainbows here a-coming.

~ dreams of a girl so dear.
© ed simkins

Giving Up.

She walked around naked today, but I didn’t care.
I was wrapped up in the deficiencies of my mind.
Her false glasses and beautiful blonde hair aroused an ego far from truth
but the telephone call lied to me, I dropped her hat & smiled & walked away.
I’ve gone past caring for the considerations of others. They don’t exist!

Girl with wet hair stood & smiled. A shower room full of fantasies & wet thoughts.
But I just threw her a towel around you see. My mind is now divided by bitter recriminations!
The fallacy of the female form. A perfect dream. A dangerous liaison.
Her perfect face reminded me off a Bavarian hegemony
With her white little collar & her soft faded freckles.
I kissed her once & made her bleed, but lies were told & her manners jaded
I knew it was time to walk away. Seems all dreams break in crystal shreds.

& two girls loved, made out on a soft oval bed, sighs were passioned & the action was hot
But the night was too long & the practice bored, who was it really that imagined it all?
No-one kissed & all was fake, a woman’s heart is stone for lies.
Escape to gardens bright in flowered flesh.

I found myself in a bright sun lit, trying hard to cleanse my soul
Screams from across the world & painful sin, made life hard to live at all
But the sun warms hope in a battered man, always wanting, bleeding dry
I sit by river, lake or silent sea, a tranquil seat of clouds & dreams
The past is dead, though the stone will stay, no present seen & future gone
Here the distance merges fate with time & me, In point I stop the bloody fight,
I cease the pain, I aim to sit, here in perpetual, momentary, empty bliss.

~too much time in life spent in fight. Tonight I surrender. Or escape.
© ed simkins

FREYJA

Beautiful smiles
Nervous noncommittal
Hiding pleasures
Pearly whites.

She makes me smile
Just being around
Such a dreaming fix
My den of delight.

I breathe her in
I saw her dance
She fools & larks
She breaks my mind.

Illusions grow
A young man’s disease
I kiss her gently
Her porcelain face.

My fingers flow
I hold her hand
I swim through hair
Silken stream.

She puts me down
She checks advance
She holds me firmly
She steals my heart.

Her name is Freyja
Most gentile girl
Her perfect body
Her excited mind.

I hold her gently
This charming girl
Caress her face
Nuzzle her skin.

We explore and play
The world our song
Intellectual giant
I tag along.

Each time with her
I sing my heart
She makes me stronger
In love I scream.

Freyja, my darling
I love you too much
What is life but a dark day?
When I see nothing in your eyes?

So in the moments we’re together
I will be your foolish love
I will grant you your wishes
& leave smiles on your lips.

Sweet dreams my desire
I love you so much
I will cherish you and love you
& dream of your touch.

~ My Dream Girl Smiles

© Ed Simkins

Intoxication

Daughter of a sacred lamp revolves in passion’d fantasy.

Lego bricks and carpet burns, smeared lipstick & crystal meth.

Do you care if I tell the truth about the things I’ve seen?

This poor migrant who wanders through the night.

I see you. I see your face.

How many times have you smiled since before?

Have you bled over the lover beneath?

Have you torn at her flesh with the hunger born of death?

The rain outside falls. Pours. Washes over thorns of sex.

Watch the children play and see their hands.

Could you whisper infidelity to mom?

Or would you raise the issues with another failed law abiding deceiver?

Lets attach some love & laugh a little shall we?

Let us enjoy her while she’s skipping!

Select a decent night and travel nude. Inflict her with your dreams of youth.

Would she smile? Would she gratefully please? Would she even make you breakfast and pour you wine?

Sure, a mishmash of thoughts; these dreams that play with you inside.

Have you asked her for money or seen her played?

Experienced kisses tickle her precious face. Though I say nothing for her love.

I sacrifice my virginity for her. A showered wall of heat. Or fun.

But back to you.

A strange idea in a strange man’s night.

Have you understood my dreams? Have you brought the sacrifice?

Have you lain her out and bedded her fast & married her with strong sense of new age worth?

A quiet night. Naked clothes enrobe my girl.

I set my eyes on her and smile. Thorns will grow and tolerate flesh.

She will murmur soft decay as I fumble with the buttons of my life.

& I’d like you to understand my friend.

But I’ll let you watch instead.

~ hazy dreams of love & longing, of purity, of beauty, of HER, of them. intoxication.

© Ed Simkins

– Remember, not everything you read is at it seems!!! Or at least the way it’s portrayed!

Dreams Upon A Wall

would you say yes if love smiled wide? if it approached your door and knocked?

would you give it all the time of day? or politely turn it far away?

would you?

for on a wet wall outside your house, i sit and ponder. a dream fulfills my mind but flutters scared.

i recall the days, the girls, the doors which closed. i know my fate before the deed is called.

i see you walking through your warm rooms at night. i see you think and act and dream alone.

do you know i exist? do you care that i seek? that a human kind exists for you?

But a dark shadow freezes here. filled with fear, his nerves a mess.

i seek you temptress. but how, how i’m scared!

that passion sought is not the paine, but humiliation is, defeat.  the dreaded answer no.

a stupid boy.

one that’s stuck to distant wall.

i watch you dream & whispers call. repeat.

a cup of tea, a simple chat. a laugh and knowing smile.

a pleasant thought, a happy silence, the space between where no paine grows.

we’d talk and look, our eyes would flirt, and bitten lips would tease & lead.

our happy hearts would bounce and dance with loving joy that friendship brings.

& how we’d sing in silly games that children play in youthful times.

& roses wait upon your door.

for i’m scared to say, to let you know. so i walk off home & mix my tears with the pouring rain.

leave you there, through watered wooden window frames, & let you watch a wall where stranger sat.

as dark clouds journey through their twilight path, & bid farewell to dreams undone,

& slowly kiss with slight rejection, the man of truth upon your wall.

~ dreams are the things I have inside. reality i know, is unfathomable, without control.

(c) Ed Simkins