I need a hug.
A sign of humanity.
Acceptance of pain.
I’m dying alone.
I’m drugged & I’m tired & I’m battered & I find it hard to go on.
The world is in darkness.
& I feel the water flow.
Silent crystals etching out trouble
Staining my face which is ugly
I’ve seen the reflection
& I’ve seen how they run.
How close could you get
To the tears of a dead man?
Remember a soft kiss?
the last was a dream
& the echoes of that vibration shudder through my soul.
& I look at your picture.
I know that you’re smiling & that you’re a long way away.
I would die to behold you
& melt on your shoulder
Your arm firm around me.
Say that you love me
That the wait is still worth it.
That the end is so near
& that the dream will reappear.
I cried in the open
& the people they looked.
They saw nothing but frustration
Failure & pathetic-ness.
The laughed & they pointed & they saw my collapse.
I hid in the isles & broke down too badly.
Crawled to my carriage & hid in the darkness.
Wallowed in my failure & stared at the edge.
Dreams fall away & the lights need replacing.
Gone are the days when I cared for myself.
& the terror of self pity is a blanket I lie in.
~ a harsh night alone.
© ed simkins 2015