The Reason Why.

She was eighteen when we fell in love.
Engaged by twenty
Married twenty two.
Life existed in a fantasy bottle of fizzy pop and our dreams were real.
We had no plans.
No need for purpose.
We just ran our naked way down the road of life and caught as many clichés as we could along the way:
We sang in baths, we roamed in fields,
We danced at night, we loved each morning.
& the neighbours wished us well for our star-born fun.
She laughed and cried, for this was love.

Or was.

At twenty-nine she died one night.
She walked outside to smoke and cancer grew
A fate we feared but never knew.
Heartache broke when the coffin lay
& the roses red; they piled up.
Her family cried, mine moved away
& the tombstone grief was all I knew.

The rainbows fell and the clouds grew dark
Tears would rain each Sunday night.
& solemn doom would fill the cave
How could anyone carry on when life itself was dead?

But now it’s past just midnight dark
& I’m wanting love,
or at least a hug
& the lights are out and the music’s soft
Ephemeral thoughts still plague the mind.
& the notion of this girl I know, it pulls me down.
For I see the past in every move she makes
& I wonder what my love of old would make of this.
But I’m too scared to try
Too scared to speak.

A tear falls and the day fades out.
I miss my wife.
I miss her kiss.
I can’t believe in God; He doesn’t seem to exist.

Maybe one day a stranger will scream and shout
& grab my hand and sing and drag me out
But with you & dreams I’ll hide in here.
Filled with warmth and safety now
A mind of doubt
& waves of fear.

~ everyone hides the truth of who they are.
© ed simkins

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A room in black & white.

Late night futility.
Dreams that end in stillborn terror.
Dark days fail.
Winter jest remains.

A voice of death claims its love for you, departs
A solemn procession through the mind.
I tried to kiss you once
You turned your head & sighed.

Passion held its tongue.
Religion exists no more in glimpses told.
A heavy blanket calls my name & beckons me.
Nude symphony of flesh has gone.

An open window, wind breeze & cool.
Silence smoothers all,
No matter the time of day
Imagine fate in which you conquer life & smile or laugh.

Tonight you stand there,
Wondering where the dead have gone.
Heavy piano plays, the keys in solemn rejection sing
Goodnight to god, the world & beauty sung.

So the world’s in black & white you see.
I bow my head & turn.
Imagination kisses her long farewell.
I loved her so or tried.

Her naked skin & beauteous form belies
The failings of fate which tore her soul apart.
A rose of red rust flutters in the darkness
Windowsill stained with rain.

Cold water filters through & lies,
The room an open coffin of the past.
I pull the blanket over me & candles dim.
Like love itself, a final ember burns & dies.

~ a simple stimuli & my mind will wander. Tonight a song & I was gone.
© ed simkins