17:42

Trapped.
Bored.
Her face, her voice, her fine young body lodged firmly within my mind.
I’m plagued by want.

Now what?
What can I do to alleviate this pain?
All I do is mope & long & want & dream
& hunger fills my thoughts with such strong desire.

Yet there’s nothing I can do.

Time without her kills.
It burns.
It cuts.
It hurts.

She drifts away on a daily tide & each weekend she sails the world by ocean light
& here I wait…
An empty vessel
My harbour quiet
Still
Lifeless.

I ache with excitement when she’s around
& I smile & gallop & climb a thousand trees for fun.
& then she’s gone.
& I’m left to rot.
A futile jester all alone.

I love her my friends.
I love her more than I can ever know myself.

& I’m scared.

I’m scared by death & the end which comes.
I’m scared by the daily goodbye.
I’m scared by the moments I know in which she’s not there.
& I’m scared that I own no control.

I have never felt so in love my friends
So excited & joyful & happy & free
& torn by doubt & pain & want
What can I do my friends?

But die in love & loneliness.

– Life is cruel in its complexity.
© ed simkins

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Perfect Pictures of Her In My Heart.

Oh my wandering dreams & thoughts and fantastical perversions.
She, my angel, my dream declared, my muse who sings & smiles.
I fall for you!

I fall upon the ground which kisses paths of journeys made by you.
By feet which tread so light and play, by legs which nimble, prance and tease.
I ache for you!

That sweet brush of thigh or curve of bum, firm and tender, pressed to me.
You, who control, enrage & aggravate these dreams within my loin & lust.
I want you so!

That tiny waist which fingers grow upon and race to tickle and play with you.
That sumptuous arch within your back when you tease me from afar, I cry!
Oh I cry for you!

My god, that I should reach upon your sweet & love-kissed head,
Your silken hair, your perfect smile, your soothing voice erupts my heart.
I swoon for you!

Such face which beams like stars, which flowers dare not emulate
How, how be it that my lips do not yet kiss yours too?
I love you.
Oh how I love you!

Dreams engage and longing hurts for you, sweet music plays and I ache for you!
Imagine only that I held you close & you were mine
& such sweet dreams came true my love.

I love you!
I love you!
Be known & know that this is true.
I love you.

With all my heart.

– she’s killing me.
ed simkins © 2016

Unfocused Satisfaction

Cello plays. Soft thoughts mount. Confetti falls. An empty dream.
I pause for breath.
Skip to the end. Let’s play tonight. Let’s drink some food. Let’s play for stakes.
Or fail & cry & laugh some more.
Entry point. A scarlet girl. Her lipstick collar. I don’t care what you say.
I’m a spider. A word leak. A fountain of truth.
She calls. I hate her voice. The TV’s on, but I can not watch.
I turn to you & watch you fly. You’re drugged. The sky’s so dark.
My light illuminates the earth. The moon will disappear.
My fingers fly. I talk a million different shades of wrong. No need to fuck. Girl is naked.
A clothed horse goddess of a drunken industry. Whore? Or heaven sent?
I pause. Breath satisfies.
Call for more wine & spill my disease.
She smiles & I strip. She steals my clothes. She runs away & the music grows.
I slip – repeat.
A final draft. A hidden couch. The girl in white satisfies my hunger by blowing me.
A filthy thought. A nasty end. A pleasant crisp. Smoke. Lights dazzle.
Slow, slow, slowing down. White wine & collarbone.
Kisses of a hot head. A desire. No bed needed when the lakes are full of soft flesh & dreams.
White water rapids. Illegal pleasures. Eyes steam as I fulfil my needs.
Red lights, bright lights, walking away. Tiredness slumbers. The girl is gone.
The party’s over. Goodnight to the life. Car speeds.
The music electric, eclectic, darkening screams.
The people are younger. The distance approaching.
The edge takes over.
I fall.
The end.

~ Listening to The Verve, my head began to spin.

© Ed Simkins

A Night Time Symphony

Night time emptiness. eyes searching for light.

the candles flicker. the music wondrous.

a charming little fest. a final round of applause.

the girl on piano was purple & naked. she smiled as she danced on the keys.

the clarinet girl was tall & so slim. she stood on her heels & buckled her knees, with each tap of the rapperty beat.

then laughing at the trombonist, finger in his ear, the drummer beside him breaking his sticks

my favourite – the choir singing for god’s worth. destroying the lead & embarrassing the tenor,

two died in a mishap when the triangle fell. but no-one really noticed & the tickets were cheap.

late night escape with a girl from the Ninth. Beethoven smiles, a kiss of triumph.

(c) Ed Simkins