i hate. & i kill.
but these things that i do, are but dreams in my head.
it’s a simple device.
i speak my mind. but often i sit here, cross-legged in my cave.
& i’m jealous & i loathe, i despise & i fear.
these things i now share with you.
& i dream of death & i love to hate. I bitch & i whinge and i spread no joy.
but these things are kept within a splendid realm. a frenzied sense of sensibility.
& then i look down.
& i see the flowers on my floor. pictures of beautiful girls who smile. bodies that lust & ideals that i trust.
& i’d love to share a smile!
i worship no god, my taxes are paid & my days are filled with children and chaos.
i seek to engage. i seek to create. i seek a new wife. i seek my own god. i seek & i learn.
my mistakes are my own. my hate is my own.
but all these things balance. the hate. the love.
& i have yet to kill.
i hate stupid ideas. i hate bureaucracy. i hate people in power who limit my life.
& so with a daily smile i complain. i complain to you. & i would kiss you. i might hate you!
but i have yet to kill.
i live within my cave. i live within my means. i am my own god & i am my own mistakes.
but i do not kill.
the world is full of the likes of me; simple, innocent fools. people who dream.
& we do not kill.
we share our hate & argue our points. we spit our venom and sulk in papers.
but we let each other grow old.
so let me throw these petals of beauty at you & tell you that i want change. that i trust no-one with power. no man of guns, no man of money, no man of support.
let me throw my words at you & see how you cope!
resist me with intellect & respect I will give. love i will grow. & with slow frustrated acceptance will i begrudgingly grant the terms that you seek.
but i will not kill.
is this a message you could understand?
(c) Ed Simkins