You weren’t there beside me last night.
My bed of creeping thoughts was happy but devoid.
I was dreaming of you as I slunk into sleep
Dreaming that I held you, caressing your soft skin.
God, that I could kiss you!
& make everything so perfect!
I would hold you so closely
& love you so deeply & true
It’s not fair that I can’t & that’s something that bugs me
That dreams are created in the factory of my mind
& then here in the realities of my dull pained existence
You are but an illusion which cries here before me.
You climb into my arms and tell me to love well
You want my arms tight around you, protection from the nightmares
Wanting me to kiss you, look in your eyes & smile
& then safely, let you slumber through the stars which take you far from me.
I wish I didn’t love you sometimes
For the pain that you throw me
Scars this heart & this mind which betrays me
With tears of the blood which cuts with your tongue
You never need me for me
Never see me for someone separate
I’m just a ghost which you talk to or need
When you’re alone in the dark.
I’m a fool for you, my child,
I’m a guy who seeks your desire
I’m succumbed by biology
To make love & protect you.
& then when you smile & the sun fires high in the sky
God, I’m a loser, lost to your whim.
I crawl on my knees
To betray my own mind to please you.
Addicted to love, or the kiss of your lips
I’ll sit here for hours, just biding my time
Waiting for you to come over
& snuggle up besides me for warmth
Life would be easier if dreams didn’t exist
To tease & to hate me, to jest or disturb
But like the male which I am
I’m seduced by the dream
But for now, I will escape to a place where illusions can’t follow me
The gym or the garden, or some foreign land of war
& try hard to forget you, until a silent thought crawls through my mind
& the fantasies of You, begin once again.
~ summer sun in the morning sets me off dreaming about You.
© ed simkins