Perpetual Dreams Of You

You weren’t there beside me last night.
My bed of creeping thoughts was happy but devoid.
I was dreaming of you as I slunk into sleep
Dreaming that I held you, caressing your soft skin.

God, that I could kiss you!
& make everything so perfect!
I would hold you so closely
& love you so deeply & true

It’s not fair that I can’t & that’s something that bugs me
That dreams are created in the factory of my mind
& then here in the realities of my dull pained existence
You are but an illusion which cries here before me.

You climb into my arms and tell me to love well
You want my arms tight around you, protection from the nightmares
Wanting me to kiss you, look in your eyes & smile
& then safely, let you slumber through the stars which take you far from me.

I wish I didn’t love you sometimes
For the pain that you throw me
Scars this heart & this mind which betrays me
With tears of the blood which cuts with your tongue

You never need me for me
Never see me for someone separate
I’m just a ghost which you talk to or need
When you’re alone in the dark.

I’m a fool for you, my child,
I’m a guy who seeks your desire
I’m succumbed by biology
To make love & protect you.

& then when you smile & the sun fires high in the sky
God, I’m a loser, lost to your whim.
I crawl on my knees
To betray my own mind to please you.

Addicted to love, or the kiss of your lips
I’ll sit here for hours, just biding my time
Waiting for you to come over
& snuggle up besides me for warmth

Life would be easier if dreams didn’t exist
To tease & to hate me, to jest or disturb
But like the male which I am
I’m seduced by the dream

But for now, I will escape to a place where illusions can’t follow me
The gym or the garden, or some foreign land of war
& try hard to forget you, until a silent thought crawls through my mind
& the fantasies of You, begin once again.

~ summer sun in the morning sets me off dreaming about You.
© ed simkins

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Mind of many colours.

Phallic open handed gestures of tame white thoughts
Dreams which bubble from broken mirrors
“cry for freedom!” the young child screams
But her father shocks the neighbours in lauded nights.

See the mice play in terrored homes
Where will the cats play if not outdoors?
“Alcohol, alcohol! Blame it on the alcohol!”
But here I am stained in tea drunk whispers.

See the splashing collapse at the end of sex
Beds of fire bring in youth
Ecstatic expressions line the wall
As she, the daughter of death, perpetuates the lie

& If I could hold on to the golden jewels
Then I would be a rich king too.
Leaks in the fabric of space surround
while the army of lovers jump through cartwheels to draw their friends.

Now illuminated pictures of photo frames
Talk amongst the monks at night or play
& Priests & film noir actresses converge in June
To each now attend a foreign room of sin

My easing time produces mixed up fears
Tor these are the days when drugs are smoked
Do you remember just before the race
When time & kissing were friends engaged?

So leave me now, in days of gore
The blood of virgin skin has broken through her veins
The sheep will mock this tale of love
Though I bow down to kiss her bum.

A night upends & crashes the wall of sleep
Exploding man has settled down, benign
His rein of insidious thoughts & rhyme
Brings forth post moronic lust & sleep.

~ a story of how to crash & burn at 3am
© ed simkins

Awoken by dreams.

My bed aches in misery. Fact.
A frozen blanket of time & memory.
Filled with dreams from old.

Thoughts that capture you.
I hate you.
You left me scared & broken.

Your memory stood there this morning.
A vengeful palace of words so stern.
Vivid dream that bit. & cut eternal deep.

I’m angry.
& I despise you for the details you provide.
Standing there accusing me. How dare you.

You told them lies.
Strangers that I never knew; your family of fear & daily deceit.
You told them lies. & broke me with their hate.

How could you lure me last night?
How could you stand there naked? Make me dream of your flesh that burns.
Smooth & still & screaming seduction. Always bribing.

Tonight I’m sick. & I don’t expect you to care. I know your thoughts.
You appear in dreams & wake me up in sweat so cold & full of crisp disdain.
Then stir my passion with love & hate.

I’m sick inside. Never healed. Never known sweet freedom from you.
The cuts you stroke are deep & sore. A mad memento of love so called.
You stole so many things but the empty shell you left behind.

I’ll curl up in my bed tonight. Stretch out a hand and miss you there.
I’ll pretend no fear & hide beside, an empty space where tears were cried in hopeless desire & love inspired.
I’ll watch your face, your silent sleep & breathe.

& The light will fade, the shadows recline.
Darkness consume & the night will pass.
Maybe tomorrow in the fresh morning sun, a new hand will hold me close.

~ this morning’s vivid dream shook my soul. I Awoke to anger & frustration.
© ed simkins