Meal For One.

The predictable monotony of meals for two?
Or the purported individualistic freedom for one?
I am yet unknown to answer.

I watch the couples fight & sing, play and love,
I see their knives cut deep into each other’s hearts.
I cringe & wince at each stab & slice.

I feed myself alone
With dreams of love that none provide
Imagination feeds on the days gone past.

I saw a dream today which I invited to dine
She looked & cried and made me run & die
A lowly disdain which ruined her day.

Sauce of sweetness, a sour seduction
A failed mix of smiles & thought
I grabbed my coat & trailed away.

I sit here, in the glory of my cave,
The girl in two tone, rich in fascination
I talk to her alone, a secret whisper sown.

Her body fine, sweet salacious curves of youth,
Her gorgeous hair flowing poetically, I long to hold
She smoothed her dress, I wished to talk & shine.

But she knows nothing of the world I am
She sees my shadow tremble in broken lust.
Her power cripples me. I fail.

This meal for one in a single chaired room,
Filled with tears from the pain of age,
I pretend to love her, but no smiles exchange.

I made her laugh through crimson wit,
I heard her giggle & the flame of joy leaped softly across her lips
I wish she knew of the conversation held.

But her food grows cold, & I sit alone.
I wish she’d sit & enjoy my world.
Yet stranger remains a distant hope of love.

~ I watched a film of two & I saw her today. I cannot escape this fix of mine. It tears me so.
© ed simkins

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Confusion Illusion

Encamped within the blankets of the midnight sun

I am lost, & scared; confused indeed.

I know little of truth, if truth exists

I speak & the stories I tell are false

Love or hate, desire or power, I cannot ascertain their strength nor value & virtue, legality or even sense?

I speak my mind; delusions play.

A fatal flaw, a door, an entrance to another world I seek.

I stare at life & conquer fear & a lie

I tell you things, I draw these things,

But the fear of the heart persists

& I question you.

Bewitched by lust, controlled by want

My mind facilitates the loan of thought

A fabric made of fables known to women of a certain age

& all who lie

– The human race

Mindless, naked bodies in feminine & incredible disguise, I seek your bliss!

& riches made in notes which burn.

My wallet holds secrets bound

Credit cards unused & lewd ownership of cars.

& the biggest lie?

That I exist

& in this told I find myself chained & fixed & worse controlled

By banks & dreams & Hollywood,

Of governments & gestures shook.

Nor Friends & family I say exist

& sex or intellect, none do persist

& so I dream of sleep & waste my time

& watch the sun arise, as tomorrow flies.

A sad reprise but wonder works.

I ask you – how much freedom do we have?

~ The power of the unknown scares the hell of me.

© ed Simkins

Dreams or Desire

Flesh is alive, her burgeoning skin.

She smiles and waves, her dark moist hair,

Talent is simple, her looks allure,

Curtain of crimson, drunk to entice

Mincing in stilettos, hidden by the glass.

She stands in black, bride of her youth.

Her golden smile, a payment in kind,

The mirrors reflect each movement she makes,

Whore to the world, & giver to none.

Music blares out and the outside is closed.

Distress is a scheme given by the king,

Shaken and torn by the prostitution of love.

Perfect curves and fakery in eyes,

A stolen child with a broken lost past

No wonder the destination is fours on the floor.

Blood and sweat, tears and her lips,

All entwined in the flickering flash of a thought

A neon light, cold water and bath

Dreams of an angel scream in her angst

Forged identities shatter her past

Hidden in bedrooms, families forget,

Child in her twenties, allowed to neglect

Lolita in fantasy, rhythm shakes deep,

Man fills her full, hate waves convulse.

Her perfect tan opulent in lies,

A deceit screams out in her paid ecstasy

Outside by the church, god talks of sympathy

His flock walks by, a mitigated falsehood.

And the delusions begin, He sees HER face,

He runs to the woman, the child in her dress,

An angel in death who brings him relief.

He calls out her name and their kisses they play

He holds her so close & her body relaxed

She disappears in arms, a cloud of the past,

Present unformed, the future guaranteed,

She leaves & she smiles, a dreamer beyond,

I watch without words of content or of soul,

A mishmash of ideas whirl & they smoke

Chase the impossible or live with the evils that surround?

Kiss the untouchable who creates a smile, a girl who he loves?

Or hold onto empty moments in the arms of the dead?

Either leads to the grave…but which route to his death?

Insanity of the dead? Or the frustration of the living?

Choices we make, are no choices at all.

Just the capriciousness of God who stands there above all.

~ Beauty I saw, Beauty I met, Beauty I dreamt of, Beauty an illusion?

© Ed Simkins

“I love you.”

Tell her.
Tell her how I feel inside.
See me cry with pained & scarlet truth.
Watch the rivers flower.

I speak no lie.
A broken man who dies. Eyes which burn & seek & yearn.
Tears roll. & merge with words.
I wish she knew.
I wish that guts were things that changed the world for me,
For mine would spill in granted defeat if only doors would open wide & smile.

I love you.
Your beauty sings.
Each delicate movement, each perfect feature born
You steal my breath.
You ignore my being.

I sleep alone, a ghost in clothes. A memory served with forgotten jest.
Deleted pictures burnt.
How I‘d change the world if god existed or controlled the world the way he should.

& Virgin youth.
With moistened lips & soft curved face. She pains me so; unwelcome frustration.
I cannot take the fruits I seek. Nor pin her down & tender love be made.
Metal bars surround her.
Teased desire.

What use is love?
Or lust?
Or want or dreams?
Abandoned night without her here. I bruise from day to day.
I seek her smiles.
I seek her kiss.
A long, slow, tender, sweet, delicious taste. Her soft young lips which play & shake, her nervous bite.
These the things I know of well.
For each night I dream of you my love. of how in love, in paired embrace, you and I would stay.
Long & take & question why.
that this feeling found, this sensation now
could not, should not, will not last a thousand years.

For if only you knew.
That I love you.
So tell her that from me.
Tell her.
“I love you”

~ When I think of the girl of my dreams.

© Ed Simkins

two girls & a question

Last night she made love, she smiled & she screamed. such that relationships begin.

the steam was hot and love ejected, a turbulence dance within the waterfall.

& then this morning I found that she was gone, the girl in red cloak & her shoes.

so today a replacement found alas, yet so different from the girl who’d passed

muscles & toned & short blonde hair, petite in nature but strong in stature.

i tried to talk & words came out, but i had to end it as her lies came out

for though she was fun & yes she smiled & oh, how the conversation flowed,

i could not say that enamored love there in reason did begin to flow.

You see, i prefer my girls so sweet & clear, with stylish hair that speaks to me

American smiles & English charms, European styles & Girlish looks

I prefer my fantasy to the real thing for reality seems to only let you down

& i ask you now, how can i be with someone who lies, who cheats or worse still dies

who tries to change & rearrange the soul you’re born with, how does that work?

How does any man or girl i ask, survive a warden who tells them of some other rules

that i am wrong when i am right, that relationships are controlled, that i am nought

how do you prefer the reality of the one you’re with, compared to the love & affection of the unknown one?

the golden one who simply lets you love.

i ask you.

~ two people i met made me think

(c) Ed Simkins