Quiet.

A stillness born of death pervades my room.
I’m sat here.
Silent.

I’m tired.
Weary.
Mind screaming war-worn tales of

Confusion.

Thoughts which dangle around the cord around my neck.
To pull or jump.
To hide or fall.

Shadows mock the sights portrayed.
Notions of success & lover’s loved.
That I was king but now a tramp.

I breathe & mind stumbles towards an exit known.
In death can dreams become a golden shrine.
& the earth will give me gentle rest.

I seek escape.

~ a late night film & broken thoughts
© ed simkins 2015

In the silence inbetween.

Dreams kill & ache & bleed & cry in rooms of silence, dark in tone.
I love you. A repeated phrase which you say remains unknown.
– It is to you.

A sparkling dress of want flutters like candle dust around your skin & the light blinks out.
You’re gone.
But I picture you there.
– Your smile which kills.
A web of deceit, or the lust of youth?
Or that fools tear themselves in dreams I fear & I hate?
For loss is great!
For even for a night, a night in which so much was gained & the flesh which surrounds you dances & burns,
Teases & forces gyrations of desire from a friend who adores
& falls gently away.
Or was that just you?
& another nights gone.

But now in soft light with whiskey & gin & a light which frustrates.
& A mind which lurks
& Seeks
Begs for you.
Says that I love you.
& I love you!

Theses hypnotic chants & screamed repetitions filter the pain,
For there’s torture in knowing you.
For this grief in desire.
Of want.
Of love.
For you.

So come to my arms my love.
Rest gently deep within them.
& Tell me your secrets tonight.
Let me bask in your glory.

Oh, I recognise your escape. I know of desire.
I know of your world, of your beautiful chances.
But allow me to love you & I’d grant you the stars
I’d make you a princess
I’d make you my queen!

But let love flow around you.
& let it be mine.

~ Her silence is torture
© ed simkins

Overwhelmed

Life ceased the day you died.
Since then it’s been death and fight on fight from suicide.
Each day I cry but no-one sees
For masks are secret facades that protect the broken mind deep within.
I tell you lies
I scream out joy
But here I stand in isolated form and wish
Wish that life were good.
But my mind rejects itself
& in silent whispers unknown to you
It calls for death and hatred to itself.
It wants to kill.
Either the ones who control his life and let him bleed
& forces pain and holds him down
Or himself for failed life wasted
& tepid, pained ineptitude.

No good the voices say in multitude & repetition.
Evil truths that rock his soul.
Which causes pain to flow & overwhelm.
You opened the door to death my child.
& foolishly I let her stay.

I walked the isles tonight and crossed the lands
Seeing faces known from past of mine
I wished to kiss,
I almost hugged,
I made her smile and words exchanged
But escape on each occasion was my only claim.

I failed.
As I do each night
In hidden walls of fear sublime.

I am invisible, as is half of the world I know.
Sat in darkness & laid bare to die.
Awaiting god. The hero that never shows.
Between him and me there’s no chance of joy.
Only nights which stretch in continued, absolute defeat.

I produced a face to her of tired fatigue
& then in secret depths collapsed.
Broken.
& so I failed again tonight.
For the mind is no great conqueror
no giant of the world.

I am hated and useless, & I have nothing to give
& the brain says death is best when silence calls.
Age it kills me, one wound each day
& barriers will claim my soul & heart
as each child dies & walks on by
such face of love fades in grief & solitude.

My heavy eyes they call for sleep.
For I am lost & hurt.
& here I am
drowning deep
& flailing in the dark.

~ in these moments alone I feel death call. & the waves of fate sink me.
© ed simkins

Morning Calmness

Strange euphoria
Peacefully quiet
Stillness breezes by

The sun is out
The flowers sway
Calmness a blanket for life

Watching from the window worn
A winter’s man bows out
Garden calls & man steps forth
A smile is breaking out.

Breath in a deeper breathe
Relax and rule the world
Time no judge, a welcome friend

No need for worries, all life wakes up
No need to fight in insane dreams
Life exists, ‘just be’ my friend.

Step by step as man stands still
The actions of the sane break out
A sense of power, creation flows
As one with nature & mother earth.

~ a morning with a difference. Peace & rest & silent thoughts.
© ed simkins

Stillness

Today I work hard, though there’s not much to be done.
No girls to speak,
No angels to chase.
No dreams to enjoy or places to take.

I thought I’d sit here and ramble
Enjoy the sights of the garden
Speak happy to the flowers
Watch the growth of the buds.

The world is at peace
There’s a silence in the clouds
There’s a roaming delicacy in love
& there’s a quietness in the gym.

I stand here beside you
Staring off into space
Biding my time
Wasting my breath

For though love should be made & the monies collected
Or the bins put out & the showers be switched
I stand here in still harmony
A spaceship in flight.

I look out at the creatures
& I know that I’m one
Fighting to survive,
to love & to kiss.

But the stars are so cruel & god is asleep,
So I stand here in slippers, pondering my thoughts,
Dreaming of a status
In which one day I am king

Til her princess is mine
& she’s holding my hand
When adventure occurs
& we make love on the sand

Dreams are expensive
& Humans a whim
Another cloud drifts by
& I stand here, without sin.

~ A Sunday afternoon pause

© Ed Simkins

Peace abroad?

So another night.
The western front is quiet once more.
Barbed wire hangs low and mournful.
Forlorn sight in morning call.
The soldiers gone,
The screams are still.
There’s no-one here to shoot or die.
Red flowers stand
Above these parapet walls
Watching green fields retake the battered world.
Within their roots the warriors lay
Entombed in mud and stories told.
Who now calls them fools who fought?
Escaping death and monstrous guns
They ran and laughed and talked no more
Echoes of the land ships passed
Climbing high and lurching low
Fire storm in black and white.
How many tears fell when homes were told that none survived?
& what was won?
& who had lost?
The destruction of the world we knew.
But new time comes and fields are farms
The birds in trees, the rain it falls
No more mustard, missiles gone.
At least in distances told by news.
Look abroad and see the flames
Of modern lies and hated wars.
Man kills man and all because
His leaders say it’s them or him
We learn from nothing and nothing new
Forced to repeat the evil sin
That father gives to sons a-born
That killing stops the next forced war.

~ no idea. I just sat down & this came out. Maybe yoga releases more than body stress!   Maybe i stare into my garden too much!

© Ed Simkins