The last song

Death is an echo of the dreams I once had
Emptied in fashions which came in a fad
Chains of disaster curve round my soul
Taking me deeper, lost in the ground.
A world full of darkness eats at my mind
Beauty of innocent spent on the child
Corruption of my fate leading to death
& Sold to the fortune I spoke with my breath.

Crimson was the colour of the dream I begun
Earning from poverty another new sun
Woke up & dreamt, cried & I yearn
Fueling the imagination, sinew to burn
Caring little for nothing & dreaming of my fear
Wishing you were lovely, hoping you were near.
You called out my name & I took you backstage
Thrashed out my anger & i hit you with rage
I cried in your pockets & tore up your dress
& spat out my fury in a need to impress.

I lie in my own filth, broken, forlorn
Needles & injections, battered & torn
Who’d have thought life which I once happily loved
Would kill all of Europe & find it all stuffed.
I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to tease
I wanted to love you, I wanted to please
But you hated my words & you threatened my life
All because of my heat & your own mental strife.

Habits are repetitive, they burden & they kill,
Seemed I could not take you, or bend you to my will
Stairs were a danger & I threw you straight down
& I laughed so sincerely, with the blood on your crown
Relationships end, & you hated me so
But I loved you my woman, though you never seemed to know.
Frustration’s volcanic, it eats & it burns
& each night you kept silent, I longed & I yearned
I want you beside me, I want your sweet smile
& I would kill everything, if only for a while

But dreams they are a-failing & I’m lost in my way
& I’ll wake up without you, yet another grey day
The glass on the stair well, the shit on the street
& the business I go to, which leaves stains on my feet
My heart it is broken, cause love never wins
& I’m guilty of loving, it’s a fortune of sin.

~ a bad night of regret & longing
(c) ed simkins

Advertisements

Midnight Suicide.

Hurting.
Crying.
Another late night.

Falling.
Breaking.
Mind caving in.

Face wet with tears
Heavy hand burdened
Death blowing sweet kiss.

Days end in collapse
Strength an illusion
Pathetic humiliation.

Unable to break out
Frustrated by limits
Entrapped by my dreams

Screaming through these old ribs
Frightened by my own age
Terrified by hers.

Loser to everything
Hated by all
Unknown by everyone

Dreams an illusion
Empty with frustration
Once was a child.

Exhausted by fighting
Missing her last kiss
Afraid of tomorrow

Desperate to return
To the days of my kingship
So long without love

Expressing my failure
Knowing my weakness
My midnight suicide.

~ what more needs saying? Another painful night.
© ed simkins

In Love with a friend (a letter to Her).

I need now to stop you. I need your attention.
I have the ears of the world but it’s yours that I seek.
I have something to say & it burns me right through.
I love you.
Seriously. I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.  & it’s killing me so!

From the moment you walked in when your smile lit my heart
I cried & I knew, My face danced in joy!
These are the things that you set upon me
& I want to tell you but I know that I can’t.
So here to the world, & I scream through my heart…I love you.
…I love you!

You dolled up your face & you shook up my heart, a sexed up Lolita with a razor sharp tongue.
You laughed & you smiled & my knees they were weak, but I kept it together & I set your life free.
You came & we spoke & I sang with my passion, you held on my arm & we danced & we spun,
We giggled & we chatted & we conquered the night, & the success that you brought I owe in such honour.
So I love you my girl. I love you so much!

Your lipstick of scarlet seduced my young heart, as your hair in a plait softened my fear
Your perfect pink cheeks, alive like a fire, sparkling with warmth & the radiance naïve
& your Cleopatra eyes, which entrance, pull me in, I can’t tell you the secrets that stand behind mine,
These smiles you induce & the passion inside. Your clothes left unripped & your smile not yet kissed
You tell me of others & I stand there a friend, but I’m your slave don’t you see, & I’ve fallen for you!
& I’d scream your sweet name if only to attract, & I’d hold you beside for a second too long
For your dreams I desire, you love is my goal, but friendship averts such knowledge of these thoughts
& these smiles that you share or your eyes when we meet, In golden moments alone when the rest they don’t think
& In these seclusions I undress you, in these seconds that we kiss,
& in our asides i pretend that your flirting or more, I pretend you’re seducing & I’m begging, encore
Cause I need you, I want you & I’m screaming out loud, I love you desire, Its love that I’ve found.

The moments we share are bliss for my heart, you’re the drug that I’d kill for, The fuel for these words
When will you see that you’re the goddess I request, the girl of my dreams, I love you the best,
I love you my friend & I wish that you knew. I wish that you’re beauty could stay in my life
& smile for me more & never will regret, These moments together, & these days that we get.

Girl…
I love you. With all of your beauty, I love you.

~ written for the sweetest, prettiest, most fun, most desirable girl that I know. I adore you so, so much & so completely. I’m a fool but I love.
© ed simkins

The Sleeping Field

i wonder what it’s like to love.
That strange affliction which hides its scars.
I pause for thought as no memory returns. No photos emerge of former times.
Join me. Sit beside me. For tonight I rest upon the bench which bears her name.

Blossoms grow & burst & fall within the gentle breeze. She liked it here.
The gentle walks. The holding hands.
She’d smile as the spring birds whistled & sang their orchestrated tunes.
She kissed me here.

I look around. & I see a pretty girl with auburn hair.
A gentle face which smiles through her own regretting tears. Another loss?
& I build up dreams of her & wish we’d speak. But fear of pain holds me back. Enforced retreat. I’m scared to try. To even venture from this bench.

We argued once. Surrounded by the silent snow which fell.
& by the end, her tears had soaked the coat I wore more than any flakes which danced & trod upon the shores of my shoulders still.
I held her there. Held her close & tight & made her know I dreamt of her.
She smiled & kissed me softly through her passioned lips so wet.

I couldn’t say if my heart was full that day or I was already bleeding through my longing for her.
Even when she sat beside me.
Upon this bench which now bears her name – Her sacred name.
& I gaze from stranger dreams & focus back upon this stone.

Black enamel gloss; stone of heaven.
She lies there sweetly.
The girl i thought I loved.
My wife.

& the cherry trees sway their silent praise in pearls of pink & pristine white.
Cemeteries made for thought.
A single tear bows & falls.
I miss her.

& the stranger walks away the same.
& I wonder what it’s like to be in love.
The summer sun wanes & fades.
& I wish she’d return tomorrow.

To that girl within the sleeping field.
I miss you.
With all my heart & aching soul.
I miss you.

~ beauty & pain combine so often. I can only sigh in wonder.
© ed simkins

Fallen Soldier.

A worthless man am i.
spoilt & rich, unloved & free.
Here I sit by choice in the darkness of my time.
& Here I write my thoughts to you, freely are they mine.
But my mind is scared; I fear death.
I fear the power that others bind.
& So I cry for fallen man. He who stood for dreams more eloquent than mine.
He who now lies far below, victim of another’s crime.
I read his epitaph & tears did form.
This shifting battle consumes
He died for what? What purpose served?
Since tomb was formed what lessons learned?
Power scares – Should one man hold another?
Or man be free eternal dust?
Was death such an important fate for he?
For twisted ideas held passionately?
The action of the war excites and takes my breath away
I love the charge, the kudos, the brave & gallantry.
But death it frightens, mocks and hates
What medal earned gives thanks for fate?
I cannot claim that death attracts such honour as it does
For I fear that man who died that day was regrettably conscribed
And that each in our pathetic way
Has little power over the things we say.
So I sit and cry, I murmur sorrow.
For he who died without grace nor love.
I pity tombstone read and the lives cut short
& the world in which they fought.
I wish, I wish, that love and peace,
Were all that man would chase
& that each own hand earned destiny
Of life and love ; simplicity.

~ On the sadness of war & the tombs that I’ve seen.

© Ed Simkins

when the rain falls inside

your tears fill my bed with pain

your pretty little face destroys me

kills me.

a simple ending to a pleasant night.

your naked skin beautifies the room.

a soft red light warms.

i brush your cheek with the gentlest of hands

& your silken tear forces me to shed my pain.

we sit in silence.

a self-destructive mess no end in sight.

a single kiss would end such pain

a sweet smile to close the book.

i hold you close and feel you shake

a shudder aches in each stolen sob.

i question you and ask you why

i remember the fights that came before.

i ask the world outside to save our souls

to end the bitterness that now exists.

your skin so smooth its cold and shakes

frustrated mind that lashes out.

how can i save myself or you?

i need your love and that is all

i can’t see why you must go.

your innocence frightens me

& my careless talk destroys you.

i ask once more and silence falls

a humbled pause that stops my breath

a broken car that will not start

a tortured love that fell apart.

~ she walked away in tears

(c) Ed Simkins