Light Fades

So a dream disappears,
sunk beneath the waves of hope & want.
I cannot say I didn’t expect
But the tide of pain has squashed my nights with pain & tears.
Frustration builds and volcanic flows of untempered rage erupts
I stare in mid-distance loss
I can’t distinguish the thoughts that flit between my moments here.
Confused and dazed and regret & miffed.
I know not what happened, but that the girl of paradise flew from my life has broken heart.
& I’m with that I’m tired.
I’m looking out upon the fields of the future
A nervous stare which shows no signs of ceasing.
I don’t know where to go or in which direction should I turn.
Stuck as ever and trapped by hands of fate
& of course the broken mind.
The faulty fool which resides within this massacred mind of mine.

I breath.

I wish I could enter the minds of others.
Share their stories & empathise.
But I am locked away in my own pathetic little prison
& set for life.
My garden my only escape.
Minutes of sensation from another world
One in which no hands are kept, no lips are kissed & love is but a passion for life itself.
& then I return.
A darkened home.
Exams & veins about to burst
Plans & work which overwhelm.
To simply or multiply?
I have no answers left or dreams to chase.
The world is barren but for the sarcasm of the hate which spreads.
If I could die I would have shown my tomb the winning hand by now
But I am not to fade like that.
A have but yet a million more years in which to pain.
What is happiness I ask?
& how can anyone claim it as their friend?

A night of thought ensues & nothing more can be done.
21:52 & time to surrender to the collapse of the star outside.

~ a heavy day of thought after the collapse of friendship & yet another paineful crossroads of life.
© ed simkins

Advertisements

A man of false success & a boy of defeat.

In the mirror he sits. Calm & withdrawn .
Another defeat cripples his face. The tears heavy with the ignominy of being alive.
His hate wells up.
He wanted success, he wanted joy!
Man calls back at the face that stares.
“Paine is the knife. The weapon that bleeds.
Look at your eyes and witness defeat.”
Boy shouts back & cries. “I breathe & I cry, I taste nothing but hate.”
Man holds him close.
“I cannot do anything. I am no good. I drive & I see no road.
The water that falls is the rain from my mind.
I enter the house & call out her name.
No-one replies.
An echo sounds out & it’s then
Its then that I wish to die.
That I could sit & end it all. & no-one would miss me. No would care.
The house speaks of ghosts.
Of death that fell apart. Of lives destroyed.”
Boy weeps.
& breathes. Mist forms on the stolen mirror.
“How can we love?
So many defeats. I cannot cope. I am swamped by the deluge.
A broken mind which leaks. & floods.”
Both close their eyes.
“Maybe we should sleep.”

(c) Ed Simkins