A stillness born of death pervades my room.
I’m sat here.
Mind screaming war-worn tales of
Thoughts which dangle around the cord around my neck.
To pull or jump.
To hide or fall.
Shadows mock the sights portrayed.
Notions of success & lover’s loved.
That I was king but now a tramp.
I breathe & mind stumbles towards an exit known.
In death can dreams become a golden shrine.
& the earth will give me gentle rest.
I seek escape.
~ a late night film & broken thoughts
© ed simkins 2015
Broken knives hover like eagles in the sky.
Bloodied wrist torn & sore.
Eyes drenched in pain
Heart sunk in anger.
I hear the call & stolen lies
Jestful tweaks of hate
Bloody minded you say
You know nothing of the volcano inside.
Frustration mounts in steps so huge
A sickness builds & throat fills up
Disdain for life, disdain for hope
Only solitude pacifies the mind.
A world of loathsome fear stares back at me
Hate & terror & those who kill
I’m tortured here by the control of others
Those of little wit & shallow lives
The blade dangles release within my grasp
If only eyes could focus on this shameful end
Then weakness of the heart & mind
Would in cave find sweet relief
Narrow cut & drowning bath
Water filled with crimson tears
Who’d care if human died
& man escaped by choice?
Oh bloody minded you repeat
With bullshit lines of ineptitude & understanding
Aggression held below the fakest manner
& poisoned spit withheld in cheek
Power told & chained neck brought back
Who I am to run off free?
That knife still circulates
Too weak to bring it sudden down.
~ horrendous bullshit & lack of power.
© ed simkins
Another late night.
Mind caving in.
Face wet with tears
Heavy hand burdened
Death blowing sweet kiss.
Days end in collapse
Strength an illusion
Unable to break out
Frustrated by limits
Entrapped by my dreams
Screaming through these old ribs
Frightened by my own age
Terrified by hers.
Loser to everything
Hated by all
Unknown by everyone
Dreams an illusion
Empty with frustration
Once was a child.
Exhausted by fighting
Missing her last kiss
Afraid of tomorrow
Desperate to return
To the days of my kingship
So long without love
Expressing my failure
Knowing my weakness
My midnight suicide.
~ what more needs saying? Another painful night.
© ed simkins
Red line drawn
These tears are red
Sharp blade tight
The face distraught
A lonely night
In abject fear
The waves burdening
I don’t know any other way
These tears flow steadily
The world is full of strangers
& the brain is a failure
Starved of success
These droplets of rich red blood
Trickle on white skin in contrast
Life is ebbing
The roses you took
& faces which steal
change too difficult.
Eyes close & I’m drifting
~ full of rage & full of pain. A horrible night.
© ed simkins