In the silence inbetween.

Dreams kill & ache & bleed & cry in rooms of silence, dark in tone.
I love you. A repeated phrase which you say remains unknown.
– It is to you.

A sparkling dress of want flutters like candle dust around your skin & the light blinks out.
You’re gone.
But I picture you there.
– Your smile which kills.
A web of deceit, or the lust of youth?
Or that fools tear themselves in dreams I fear & I hate?
For loss is great!
For even for a night, a night in which so much was gained & the flesh which surrounds you dances & burns,
Teases & forces gyrations of desire from a friend who adores
& falls gently away.
Or was that just you?
& another nights gone.

But now in soft light with whiskey & gin & a light which frustrates.
& A mind which lurks
& Seeks
Begs for you.
Says that I love you.
& I love you!

Theses hypnotic chants & screamed repetitions filter the pain,
For there’s torture in knowing you.
For this grief in desire.
Of want.
Of love.
For you.

So come to my arms my love.
Rest gently deep within them.
& Tell me your secrets tonight.
Let me bask in your glory.

Oh, I recognise your escape. I know of desire.
I know of your world, of your beautiful chances.
But allow me to love you & I’d grant you the stars
I’d make you a princess
I’d make you my queen!

But let love flow around you.
& let it be mine.

~ Her silence is torture
© ed simkins

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No Way to Save

Frustrated tears grace her cheeks
I see them fall & join.
Her heartache erupts in broken sighs
I die
As she collapses in tortured shakes
& shoulders weep.
I burn inside.
No idea of how to save this child who cries.
I ache & crash as angel calls.
I surrender to fear, inside I’m small.
I love my girl.
But I cannot reach.
I’m cut off & scared
& been pushed away.
Her shattered face speaks of loss
& beauty blooms in watered rolls.
She’s cold.
Alone.
& I’m standing there.
Rooted to the spot insane.
My soul surrounds, I’m keeping her close
I’m telling her it’s fine, that’s she everything known.
But I’m silent.
& scared.
& the earthquake is great.
The bridges tear
Communications down
I gaze at her wonder, at the beauty of her form
I’m desperate for her smile
For this fire to burn out.
For her to hit me or kill me
Scream or please shout.
But she stands there & she’s drowning
& her tears break into flood.
I’m rooted & I’m weak & I’m losing my love.
Her image fades fast & she’s moving from view
Soon she is walking & the distance benign
Now but a ghost
& lost deep in time.
I still hear the echoes, & the pain in her voice
Lost to the grave
Lost without choice.

~ having played Taylor Swift’s ‘Last Kiss’ & seeing this occur. Another experience still hurts.
© ed simkins

Legs in tights.

The dichotomy of my actions.
Dreams inspired by provocative sight,
& thoughts which reach for maiden girl.
Unknown. Unspoken. Distant stood.
I lust for her.
For you.
You sacred sweet virgin dream.
To you a ghost I am which wanders through the world in silence.
To me, inside my mind, a dark stalking panther eager to pounce.
I see you.
& those legs!
Oh, those legs!
The legs of a gazelle which scream at me to chase her across the floor
& that I could, & I would!!!
I would!
With bitten tights and bloodied flesh would I take you down!
& please.
& see you squirm & moan & beg.
But I stand here.
A silent stalker basking in the glory of your eyes
& your legs.

Legs.
Legs Which rise from earth to the mighty stars above
& speak a thousand joys of curved, elongated fantasy.
Arousal mounts as I drawl for you!
Teeth sharp & ready, mind high on desire.
Oh, that I could hug you.
Would I thrash you with such sweet ecstasy!
& make you smile.

No need for tears that morning brought my dear,
You should have spent your time with me!
Pleased the silent one with company of youth
& watched him charm & fool & act your knight.

But fate eludes.
& I watch you instead.
& grey tights which roll like waves along your legs speak to me.
Inspired short skirt alludes to bliss
& My eyes wander happily across your naked skin,
Etching out every curve you have & sighs.
Each time I catch a glimpse of you
Legs & height, slim body tight
& face which asks for me to start again.
Or pounce.

~ on seeing a precious one cry & dress so well. Oh happy dreams!
© ed simkins

That I could hold her hand again.

God.
That I could hold her hand again.
A dream I take to sleep with me.
I die.
In painful tears which weep through loss.
I pause.
& dream.
Engulfed in darkness I sit with thought.
& silence bleeds.

I seek her hand once more, though none arrives.
Dreams I take to bed with me.
I speak to her but no response.
A quiet field of empty blanket found
An empty bed of love.
With flowers of remorse.

This heart which trembles in mute & lost, forgotten play
I see you there within my mind
A stabbing, painful memory
From the past my tears they fall.

My wrists would bleed if fate could change
& her body breathed again.
& held my hand.

I cry for you.
In quiet times.
In darkest echoes of the night, like now.
A tear rolls in sad recline.
Broken mind which stands by day
Shudders in the flood by night.

If love exists then hold my hand
& bring the radiance of your smile,
Return to me.
But pass, neglect this pain which fills my heart
Bring forth such joy which I once knew.

I retire now to death’s dark door
In weary battered illusion born
Where I may die & prostrate cry
Myself to sleep
& deep
oblivion.

~ darkness real takes over thoughts, as the night alone surrounds. A heavy night.
© ed simkins
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWIE0PX1uXk

AM 5:04

Failed life.
Death is stalking.
Light of laughter
Dreams are broken

Eyes strain
Burn, yearn
Fallen lies
Confinement made.

Passion builds
An empty joke
My tears strive
Released in flow.

No thoughts but death
A silent night
Of pain engulfs
These ageing hands.

Ripped cuts in skin
Crimson tears they stream
Slow escape from fate
Dreams which break.

Silk kisses please
But memories fade
Bask in beauty born
If life were dreams.

~ too late too sleep
© ed simkins

Young Girl Cries

Punctuated tears stain her dress. I reach out my heart to hold her so.
Blossom of youthful pain rolls down; her delicate cheeks quiver & cry.
I love her so; I long to hold, but how?!
She stands there naked within my perverted mind,
But no she’s clothed, & beautiful, alluring, weak.
Defenceless scars shiver across her cheeks as the rain pours down.
I’d hold her close but can’t. I search her face…
Her eyes…
Her lips…
Her trembles pour forth man’s primeval help
& my jokes & words are spent in need.
Breathing slows as pain subsides; a waiting tide of ocean norm.
Her pale face warms & melts my steely heart
Her eyes are puffed, her face still worn
From battle lost with upright sense.
I stand there glad I saw her slip.
Her sweet face uncovered, her beauty bare
To eyes which seek, which gaze upon.
I made her smile, I told her things,
I talked of nonsense & brought her round
Nice man deeds & honour bound
Golden points won but I walked away,
From conversation of tasteful, peaceful, sweet victory.
Words of relations I seek unknown
Were hailed as stories exchanged of weekend sown
En face I, the chivalrous knight,
Behind the mask, affronted king.
Such are men in lives we lead
That none will know the tales we tell
Our dreams which seduce, our naked vice
To the fronts we wear in social lives.

~ on saving a beautiful girl in pain. I cheered her up, but how I wanted to seduce her too!
© ed simkins

Missing You.

How do I get you?

How do I reach you?

How do I stop this bullshit and find you once more in my arms?

– How?!?

The walls still echo with the laughter you produced,

The beauty of your smile radiates in spaces known to us.

And the empty garden still cries in silence without your voice.

So where are you my love?

Where have you gone?

Why have you ridden so very far away?

I dream of you.

I see your face.

A distant memory that takes me back.

But the coldness of this winter past I know will last the year

& I miss you like the leaves without the trees

& I care nothing for the sun without you.

In my mind I cup your smiling cheeks. I hold you in my nervous dreams.

I prostrate myself and cry for you.

– For you.

& Each night a life of torture passes.

The blood that’s spilt, my offering for you.

My dreams for you.

So tell me how. Just tell me how!

How do I win you back?

How do I fix this world?

How do I make you smile again.

For me.

How?

& How do I let these tears stop rolling?

For the days they care no more,

Nor the nights which see these droplets fall.

I miss you.

I love you.

I love you.

~ A poem about Ghosts & Songs & Broken Justice & how I find it hard to escape.

© Ed Simkins

Breakup

tonight death stalks me;

a bride in red.

flaxen hair. her perfect face.

i spit blood & cry.

for dreams end in a lonely night.

destruction rife. a broken home.

she stands there .

clothed and beautiful. crying. in paine.

& my heart sinks as the water of the waves takes over.

i kneel & fall.

i love her & i cannot breathe.

she hates. she trembles. & none of the words i want to say comes forth or helps.

she shivers. shrieks. i cannot stop the pain. i cannot stop her.

her hair is wired and makeup bludgeoned all over her face.

my bruises ache. heart torn.

my efforts long surrendered.

i want to save the world. to make it alright. but where is God? where is help?

Where is anyone to tell her to stay? to explain. to show her the way.

& so i touch her.

god,  i touch her. i hold her hand and feel the smoothness of her skin.

our eyes connect. we pause the fight.

i’m trembling. she’s furious. but she’s still a child.

& i broke her.

& my regret is chained.

i feel the weight & the burden of her love.

she reaches for me with her lips and our tears merge.

she whispers soft apologies and slowly, frustratedly walks away.

& i feel the vessels in my heart tear themselves apart.

& i see her leave.

~ too long indoors makes the memories play

(c) Ed Simkins

when the rain falls inside

your tears fill my bed with pain

your pretty little face destroys me

kills me.

a simple ending to a pleasant night.

your naked skin beautifies the room.

a soft red light warms.

i brush your cheek with the gentlest of hands

& your silken tear forces me to shed my pain.

we sit in silence.

a self-destructive mess no end in sight.

a single kiss would end such pain

a sweet smile to close the book.

i hold you close and feel you shake

a shudder aches in each stolen sob.

i question you and ask you why

i remember the fights that came before.

i ask the world outside to save our souls

to end the bitterness that now exists.

your skin so smooth its cold and shakes

frustrated mind that lashes out.

how can i save myself or you?

i need your love and that is all

i can’t see why you must go.

your innocence frightens me

& my careless talk destroys you.

i ask once more and silence falls

a humbled pause that stops my breath

a broken car that will not start

a tortured love that fell apart.

~ she walked away in tears

(c) Ed Simkins

unattainable love

i hear your voice and the sickness inside roars forth. it rips my head.

such heavy tears that fill my mind and break my soul. i claw the air.

i feel the space where you used to be and i hold your dress, repeat your loss.

i see the grave of flowers that you left behind and the sky draws in. closes in.

i need your hand, i need my shoulder felt, i need you close.  i need support.

but my heart is worn. for the nights are long & the days so barren

an evening’s darkness feels so cold. i miss your charms.

these dreams, these sights i see of you, they throw up dust and sting my eyes,

i feel the pain. i miss you babe.

the cold wraps around me like death and twisted fate, a slow strong clasp that brings me down.

& in my mind i see you smile.

& i know i can never touch your body.  just let you walk, just let you play,

and i sit there girl, i sit outside,

i sit & watch the world walk by and the seasons change and i see you grow, i see you change.

i remember the time we held our hands and the games we played & the kisses we shared

the looks you gave, the smiles you made, the songs we loved, the times we craved.

these tears they roll because you’re not here. & you don’t care.

you took your life and the world has changed. our daughters grown and flown the nest

in these seats are ghosts and love is just a name.

i saw your face today and my world crashed in.  the tears broke forth and i’m anxious now.

my breath is short & the end feels close.

i wished we could dance and kiss once more. & then some more. & then some more.

but the pain folds in and crashes me, the emptiness of a life without

i just want to hold your face my girl and see you once again with me.

& then again & again & again & again…   x

~ such are my dreams of the untouched, untouchable one.

(c) Ed Simkins