thoughts without flow

it was never sex that i wanted
but then i’m a liar
& devious
& such an actor.

i’d hold her close and caress that cute ass dream
glide my fingers along the paths of fantasy
tickle her sides and make her grin a thousand smiles
and all because i want her so!

she talks and giggles and says the silliest things
girls like this are gems on earth
i smile at her and watch her mannerisms turn me on
i love her so, i adore her so!

See when she dances in her rhythmic walk
she sits besides and brushes up against
i stroke her back and nip and pull
and all because i love her so. i smile.

i’d kiss her with every breath i have,
wake up beside, pull her close and kiss her more
walk my fingers along her curves
and tease the angel which i love so much.

i want to bite, i want to love
i want to see her smile and jump on me
i want to swirl her round and make her feel like God
Perfection glistens in eyes so sweet

and i sit here quietly
and tell the world i love this girl.

(c) ed simkins
2016

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Frustration

I’m losing my mind.
Trapped with these walls of stone.
Lost within a world in which I have no say.
No control.
No way to do the things I wish to do.
Or bring her close.

& there she is,
Fate herself.
The perfect one.
Naked.

That smile.
That face.
That body.
All within my mind.

I’m lost.

I cross the lines of sanity when I’m with her.
I laugh & joke & play & tease & freedom shows no knowing concern.

& then I’m here.
Here within my cell of life .
& I’m obsessed.
Addicted.
Forced to be without her.

Life is cruel.
Life is bland.
Life…is the rocks beneath this cliff upon which I stand…
Without her.

I bow my head to fate.
I know my role.
My curtailed situation.
I know I dream.
I know I love.

The day it ends is always a day too soon.
& another lonely day folds without her.

– the weekend.
© ed simkins 2016

Reflections

I love standing behind her.

Holding her close.

The simple pleasure of her pressing against me.

Excites me.

A secret flirtation of desires.

I love my games.

 

I love her face too.

Her gentle, perfect, delicious young face & that smile…

That sweet smile of sunshine serenity.

For she loves me.

I love her.

& The world is wrong to hate this suggestion.

It’s just simply wrong.

 

I hold her by desire.

I pull at her clothes.

I stroke her thighs.

I caress her lower back & talk.

She laughs & loves & aches to be besides.

I kiss her a thousand times & more.

I love her you see.

As stupid as I am.

I love her.

 

She comes to me.

She seeks me out.

I seek her.

Best friends forever.

But I want her clothes on the floor.

I want to kiss her every pore.

 

I breathe her in.

Feel the beat of her heart.

She’s fragile in my arms,

But I could pin her down.

& I want to wake besides her,

See her morning smiling sun & sigh.

 

I hold her waist & stroke her hair

& she says she knows she’s the queen of my heart.

I’m sunk in lust.

She talks of bites.

I talk of ‘where?’

 

I’m possessed by her.

Controlled by her.

Seduced by her.

Fed by her.

Kept by her.

& Simply put

– I love her.

 

 

(c) ed simkins 2016

– wanting her.

The futility of love.

I want to hold her.
Really hold her.
To my chest.
To my heart.

I’m in love
& I’m in pain.
I’m pleasured
& I’m sick.

I grieve for I know the truth.
In a year she departs.
Gone.
Leaving for a foreign land.

& I know this.
I shed tears because of this.
I gaze into her eyes and I know this.
My tears fall because of this.

How can love bring so much pain?
How can life be so cruel & bring so many smiles?
How can she be this perfect & so close to me
& yet engaged in a fading act of dying?

i love her.

© ed simkins 2016
– torture is my grief, love the cause.

Sat Beside

I cant resist
I had to see her.
I had to glide around & around the crowd to look unconcerned
Just to see her.

& once the random acts of kindness were perceived by all I rested upon the chair beside her.
& said nothing.
For she knew I was there.
& she smiled.

As she spoke in soft pleasurable tones, her words tickling the world with delight
I gazed upon the beauty of her face.
An artist with his gentle muse
& she smiled.

I drifted blissfully, her perfect face my ocean for the day.
Freckled pools & white reflections
Lips of youth & graceful hair
My eyes skipped across her soft serenity.
& I smiled.

I leant in. To breath her in, absorb her very being. To taste the sweet scent of love.
Heady with desire I paused to kiss her soft fresh skin
My eyes studying every mark, every pore, every whimsy of her perfect face.
Every curve perceived with majesty & beauty.
I caressed her chin & smiled.

In moments of crazy conversation & horrid crowds, I held her gaze.
Flirting wildly, she became my pet.
A kitten reaching out and jesting against the cotton ball, she played against my face with such sweet tenderness.
& proximity & desire drew us ever in.

Oh sweet Lord, my unfaithful & most dishonest friend, I love her.
That all these ghosts which surround & with wrathe conspire,
Let me hold my darling close upon my heart-felt need.
For she smiles with the glimmer of the midday sun,

& I leave a kiss with finger reached & stroke the gentle arc of nose & chin.
I wish her well & thank her for her human smiles.
Misery consumes when the love I seek departs
& again I sit alone & dream of her.

– Moments with my love
© ed simkins 2016

Engulfed by doubt.

I grab her.
– What fool grabs a dream?
Does she care or flinch or take it as assumed?

I’ve confused myself.
Lost myself.
Stolen hints of gold.
I’m a thief of her flesh.

I stroke her hair.
My fingers teasing, caressing, exploring her secret world.
I place my head beside.
In the darkness I kiss her softly.

& her fingers place themselves entwined with mine.
Or am I controlling the puppet still?
Our flesh connects & senses, nerves they shake.
Illicit thoughts stumble across my face.

Were her smiles fewer today?
Drenched in the autumn floods?
Was the fool too much & awkward still?
& his ambitions too overly known?

I held her cheek & savoured smooth curves of facial delight
She looked at me & I rested control beneath her chin
I lent in & resisted, dreaming to the end.
Our eyes met & danced & desire burnt strong.

& then the chimes of time struck & all was gone.
Her body left & the smiles had fled.
Clinging dearly, these thoughts hold on
& screams of solitude swear their grief.

Can I ever please her?
Can I ever tell her?
Could she ever care?

– I try too hard. I love too much. I dream of her even when she’s there before me.
(c) ed simkins 2016

My girl

There she is.
My sweet heart,
My dear sweet, blissful seducer of my heart.

I am vanquished.
& I have hardly begun.
I love her.
& once again I hold the thought behind these sealed lips.

I held her today.
I held her dear and close and felt her beating heart.
& she smiled.
& she teased me something rotten & I laughed.

Her warm soothing laugh floated through the air.
Her eyes entrap me. I cannot break away.
But I write no poems of joy.
Just the truth of a broken man.

She touched me with her innocence.
& led me through the garden of want.
I have but kissed her a thousand times
& torn my heart out in self control.

There she is my stolen love.
My sweet, sweet fragrant rose, my dream.
My dear sweet, blissful smiling seducer of my heart.

– ed simkins © 2016

Temptress On Bed

The anti-Christ sits on her bed jealous and scared.
Her blood red hair fires thoughts of prehistoric passion
Gems align her dark in bedazzling arrays of love & lust.
She tells me how much she aches for deeds to be done, but motivation lacks within.

I rest cross legged before her, smiling and pondering on the meaning of life.
I came to her in the middle of the night & now it’s half past evening.
Thursday’s downpour continues at the entrance of the cave
I cleaned her room in fits of boredom, God had ventured too far away to beseech.

Her name is silent, for I can not tell you the secret of my desire, though she is beauty & I miss her when she’s not around.
She’s plucking at her nails & I’m lost in space.
Pictures of the past decorate her home.
My perfect match in many ways.

A vest of innocence drapes across her delicate chest, beads of hope lie delicately upon her bed of hate.
I kissed her once, in a land and dream far, far away. I was younger then.
But I returned.
For the stillness of my life request constant feeding.
I ache for her.

I’m hungry. & tired. & stolen. & lost. & I ponder how I can seduce her now.
But the anti-Christ doesn’t care. She gives no love.
All woman perhaps, with the beauty of her youth intact, but cruel.
Like every woman I’ve ever met. Dishonest & brutish in the realities of the day.

& so I sit estranged. My beautiful, delicious, fresh, young temptress bathed in red.
I hold her hand & I know my limitations. For this is as far as I go.
Blissful girl with braided locks destroys my heart & the whispers of the storm ride high & circle
I love her. But she does not know.

I want to taste her.

But she is now far away.

~ thoughts of the golden one turn to fate.
© ed simkins 2015

Crazy for you.

Undress for me.
Stand and shiver in darkened light.
I long for thee.
For single word you spoke tonight.

I yearn for you.
Your cherished face which I adore.
Aching, smiling, wanting you.
Now without, in need of more.

I long for you.
A sweet delicious, smiling thrill
In awe of you.
That God were real, then I would kill.

Your braided hair
Your soft delights
Your Nervous neck
So Virgin white.

& your beaming face
Which strikes my heart
Lost in space
& now departs.

My secrets told
In honest signs,
But My heart is bold
In these written lines.

That you were stood so close & near
Knowing of no midnight fear
Then hands of mine would tender be
& kiss your skin, so longingly.

& your cheeks of rosey simplicity
Would smile with touch & honesty
For child, or girl, or woman known,
For you my love, my heart has grown.

~ for you. the girl of my dreams.
© ed simkins 2015

Dark Forest

Kiss her lips my friend.
Kiss them as darkness falls & the grey clouds shimmer.
Fear falls in lonesome forests known.

She cries that single tear which cuts through hearts of hope.
& I’m tired of sending lines which fail to form.
Her silence grinds against my wanton heart & sinks.

Memory of a girl I used to love in summer’s daze flitters through my restless mind.
& I burn my tongue in screams of teenage angst.
A dying man sits in weakened stance, broken bones collapse beneath the ageing wait.

I say her name.
I repeat & hear the howl of wolves within this wicked wood & cry.
How that love so true & strong can bend & break like a rusted chain?

& on this deep & dark & dampened floor of wild distress I shake in fear.
She walks away & leaves me dead, inert, no hope, forgotten breed.
& stars watch in questioned poise as love retreats.

Alone once more, a thought lost in the darkness of space & ocean deep.
Waves of grief rush through the frozen mist & sting my bones.
I loved her so, but love has left & aching senses echo with dull defeat.

~ missing her
© ed simkins 2015