If’s and when’s and maybe’s & all the words that fuck me up.

I sit here dreaming in the furniture of my youth.
Happy dreams that established me.
Playing out in the warm wide sun.
Soldiers trekking through the garden known.
I’m older now but wish I could
Open the door and return back there.
Those happy days without end or sight
Of deadlines which haunt me now and bind my mind.

I see myself as once I was
Smile alight on a tender face
Knowing none of the bullshit which haunts me now.
Running amok with innocent imagination on fire
And the rockery a battlefield of happy toys.
I’d climb on windows and escape the mess
Of Lego strewn on bloodied floor
Walls of Hadrian crossed the room
And days were spent in battles grown.

Then came desktops and cassette radios all climbed by men in suits
Uniforms of war and guns of fun
Stretched high and thrust upon the shelves of books.
I’d spend my days in conquest or happy defeat
Knowing that tomorrow I would do the same.
No need for doubt, no need for pain,
No need to care what mankind did or died outside.

Freedom is the word which recalls my youth
Playing football in the local park or street
Climbing trees and laughing loud, reading books and making plans
I’m older now, but I escape to then, I return to the past to find myself.
He who’s lost in this frightening grown up world
One of death and hate & fear and sin
Not like the world in which I began.

A child stays fresh, his mind alive
Fighting dragons and playing games, being cops and stealing space
All these things & more I held so dear.
The if’s and buts and when’s or maybe’s
They were never words when I was young.
I owned the world & I was king
I was someone special, alive, unique
I was as big as my ego wished itself to be.
Could life ever be like that again?

~ aka: A Lament For The Old Days
*one song, one programme, was all it needed to send me into a spin today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKd2G9CYKmE
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05r7nxx/onehit-wonders-at-the-bbc

© ed simkins

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Eyes Upon You

That I could strip you down
A simple thought of evil deed
Your naked body standing there
I’d inspect with eyes that ration kills
I’d breathe you in & take my time
I care little for the ways of love
A mischievous glimmer that shines upon
I fancy making wait your call
Let insecurity take hold
For when you stand there, naked firm,
Your arms and hands would cover you
& such sweet tender masks that hide
Your face would fall like leaves
Such mangled lies no more disguise
Power soaked and hungry lust
Abiding time would grow in loins
For girl, this child of blossomed youth,
With golden locks which flow through grip,
& Nervous smile of fearful trust
My hands would slowly reach & touch
Your frame of soft, still, tearful love
Interest held and raging tiger paused
I’d rip through time like knives through silk
& dance across your valleys smooth
With loving tongue, a kiss and fire
And squeamish, squirmish fragile skin
Would rage in fresh delights & yearn
I can hardly bide my time or stay
For girl whose spirit yet stands before,
Your slim white body, my beacon born,
I ache for you to slowly strip!
Say no word but smile & see consume
A man behind these secret walls
A man who gazes soft upon
Your charms of such sweet and luscious fun,
If you were here my darling girl
If only you were here…!

~ gazing upon an unspeaking dream, my eyes danced in joy around a strangers frame
© Ed simkins